2014 Dallas Cowboys defensive preview

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This is the fourth in a nine part series previewing the Eagles division opponents. Today, we look at the Dallas Cowboys defense.

What was the Cowboys defense like last year?

Really bad. Really, really bad. The Cowboys allowed the 26th most points and most yards per game in the NFL. They were 30th in the NFL in defending the pass and 27th in defending the run. They were ambidextrously terrible. And Barry Church (Barry freaking Church!!)led the team in tackles. The lone bright spot for Jerry Jones’ playthings is that they ranked 13th in the NFL in forcing turnovers.

Alright, that sucks, but at least there’s nowhere to go but up!

Hahahahahahaha

Why are you laughing?

Oh. You didn’t hear? The Cowboys three best defensive players — Jason Hatcher, DeMarcus Ware, and Sean Lee — will all not play for the Cowboys defense for varied, yet equally excruciatingly painful reasons. Hatcher, who had a breakout year notching 11 sacks in the inside of Dallas’ defensive line, signed a long-term deal with the archrival Washington [REDACTED]. DeMarcus Ware, arguably the greatest defender to ever wear a star on his helmet, was released for salary cap purposes and is now title chasing in Denver. Sean Lee, one of the best middle linebackers in the entire NFL, tore his left ACL and partially tore his meniscus on the first day of OTAs. At Penn State, Lee tore his right ACL and partially tore his left ACL. In the NFL, Lee has missed time for hamstring, neck, wrist, and toe injuries. If it wasn’t time already, it is certainly now time to start worrying if Sean Lee will ever string together 16 healthy games. In short, one of the worst defenses in the NFL lost its best three players. The cherry on top of this crap sundae? The Cowboys best cornerback, Orlando Scandrick, will miss the first four games of the season while serving his PED suspension.

Did they do anything to fix their D?

It’s hard to fix your problems in the NFL when you have no money to spend. The Cowboys did what they could, which was pretty much the equivalent of getting scraped by a chainsaw and using a Band-Aid to stop the bleeding. They acquired Rolando McClain, Jeremy Mincey, Justin Durant, and used a second round pick on Boise State defensive end DeMarcus Lawrence (who promptly broke his foot and will miss at least the first month of the season, because, Cowboys). These would have been nice moves to bolster their depth in the front seven, but they take on a far eerier tone when you realize that the Cowboys will rely on all of those players to contribute immediately. The best move the Cowboys made was stealing Henry Melton from the Chicago Bears. It remains to be seen how he bounces back from injury, but if he’s half the player he was before he tore his ACL, Jason Hatcher’s shoes won’t seem so empty.

Didn’t the Cowboys do something with their Defensive Coordinator too?

They did, thanks for reminding me! The Cowboys hired former Bears’ Defensive Coordinator, Rod Marinelli, to the same position. This was, all things considered, a wise move as Marinelli’s expertise — forcing turnovers — plays to Dallas’ strengths. In 2012, his final season as Bears’ Defensive Coordinator, Marinelli’s unit led the league in turnovers forced. Of course, it will be interesting to see how his defensive works without Charles Tillman forcing a turnover on every other play and punching out balls like they slapped his mama. In typical Cowboys fashion, this move wasn’t all well and good. The man Marinelli replaced, Monte Kiffin, wasn’t fired, just reassigned to Assistant Head Coach. Usually, you try to eradicate the disease, not move it to another part of your body. But, if the Cowboys feel that decaying husk and eye-witness to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Monte Kiffin, still provides value to their team, I’m sure the rest of the NFL won’t complain.

Let’s keep it simple. What should I expect from the Cowboys defense this season?

Career games from opposing running backs. Opposing wide receivers waltzing into the end zone. Quarterbacks checking their blood pressure before they fire off passes. Offensive Lineman yawning while engaged with blockers. Just overall ineptitude, really. Whatever steps the Cowboys were poised to take forward as a result of the Kiffin for Marinelli trade, they gave right back in bulk during the offseason. Their defensive line is in the argument for most pathetic units in all of football and their linebacking core is not far behind. The only way this unit reaches league average is if Henry Melton, Bruce Carter, and Morris Claiborne all play out of their minds. Get the booze ready ‘Boys fans, this is going to get ugly.

[Photo: USA Today]

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