As we somehow, in this insane blur of an NBA season, near the All-Star break, a small sample of trends and tidbits have started solidifying, giving us a vaguely shaped, but still beer-goggle-blurry outlook on which teams are for real and which ones are fluke ballin’.
So I say we take a gander of candor, and potentially meander into the realm of slander.
The Trail Blazers need someone to turn off shop lights at last call.
Or at least implement a “closing system.” They’re terrible in tight games, 2-10 in battles decided by 5 points or less, going into Monday’s bout with Los Angeles basketball player Kobe Bryant (teammates pending).
And it really comes down to this:
They just don’t execute down the stretch.
Some teams, i.e. the Thunder, Lakers, Bulls, Heat, Knicks, Clippers, Celtics, can open up for, and put their trust in, one guy, when the game’s on the line, and let him rip. They each have a known closer, who sets orange in basket when game on line. In the face of crisis, these guys come out victorious, dragons slain and road crowds hushed.
The Blazers have no such guy. So let’s hope they stop playing like they do. Aldridge, and really, most post guys, gets double-teamed late. It’s the nature of last minute ball. Jamal comes off the bench for a reason. Batum just got passed over for a contract extension.
These guys aren’t true closers.
BUT.
They’re still solid players. And players of this caliber, without necessarily a super-duper-assassin-star among them, can close out games if plays are executed crisply and all five guys on the court are in their most effective slots.
Spurring a pick and roll with Jamal and LaMarcus, running off-ball screens with Gerald and Batum, putting a decent shooter in treybomb corner land, could heed some decent results on final possessions. And at the least, it’ll be better than dumping to oft-covered Aldridge or hoping for Crawford five-point-plays.
So Mike Brown is not inventive.
That’s my nice way of saying he’s horrendous at coaching the offensive side of the ball.
The guy spends seven seasons with LeBron, never changing his O from the ever-futile “give LeBron the ball and move out of the way,” even though decades of NBA history have shown us that one guy can’t win the title. THEN, he implements THE SAME EXACT OFFENSE with an aged cheese of a player, a Mr. Kobe Bryant. And don’t get me wrong, aged cheese is delectable, but eating aged cheese for every meal, like going iso with Kobe Bryant every play, will leave your stomach, and the lane, deeply congested and agitated. You can’t just cover a pizza in gouda. You need some mozzarella. Maybe some cheddar. How about a salad too? Maybe skip the pizza one night and go arroz con pollo? Sprinkle in some Gasol every once in a while. Maybe serve a hot side of Bynum. JUST STOP MAKING GOURMET PIZZA EVERY NIGHT, BROWN. LA IS CONSTIPATED.
Mike Brown is chasing success a la the same offense that failed with Unstoppable Beastman, but in that beastman’s place, he’s over-using a 33 year old who’s got over 1,100 games logged on his weathering (alright, weathered) knees. AND THE 33 YEAR OLD HAS TWO ALL STARS PLAYING ALONGSIDE HIM. What went on in this guy’s job interview?
“So describe the offense you’d like to implement, if you were indeed the coach of our lovely organization, Mike.”
“Well Mitch, it’s been a while since I’ve actually thought about offense, so I’ll most likely re-use the Cleveland iso one.”
“The one that kept failing when it mattered even though you had the most talented basketball player on the planet?” (looking over shoulder to make sure Kobe’s not eavesdropping)
“Yeah… that one.”
“Perfect! You start Monday.”
The hottest team in the league right now is…
If you would have given me ten guesses, at the start of the season, of who’d be the hottest team going into the All-Star break, I would have gone Heat, Bulls, Thunder, Clippers, Grizzlies, Pacers, Lakers, Knicks, Celtics… and then probably the Spurs.
Yup. The Spurs. “Ageless or Aging?” I ask The People!
Winners of their last ten, with Ws over the Thunder, Clippers, 76ers, and twice in Memphis, the Spurs are rolling. And most of this season they’ve been without their prized sixth man, Sir Ginobli, who’s being eased back into the mix slowly, to allow his hand injury to fully heal (We’ll see what happens with his newly-tweaked lat).
Apparently, the Pops and his outlaw-heel-attachments are looking to show everyone that the Memphis 1-8 seed upset last year was NOT their most representative of performances. They’re making one more run with this squadron (heard that one before?), and Tony P. is throwing down career numbers with 19PPG and almost 8APG, with a gigantic performance against CP3 and Lob City, going 30 and 10.
Quite an impressive display from the ol’ fogeys of the league. Duncan may not be at his best, but the greatest power forward of all time (Name another, I dare thee. Dirk? C’mon.) is going down swinging.
How about the Knicks?
Linsanity! Nuff said about that.
But a crunch-time five of Chandler, Amare, Melo, J.R. Smith, and Linsanity?
At the least, they’ll be super fun and an extra tough out in the first round. At best, don’t discount MSG’s insane fan energy, potentially sneaking a fully-healthy Knicks squad into the ECF. It may not be likely, but if Melo finds his groove with Lin and J.R. running the show, Amare stretching the floor, driving like a boss, and Chandler trash-canning alley-oops and stuffing fools on the defensive end, I could see a little second round upset of the soul-less Heat or the ever-so-injured Bulls and be completely unsurprised.
We all know Melo’s got skills, and this might be the best supporting cast he’s ever had. Funny how one un-drafted Harvard grad could spark such a positive jolt on a team left for dead.
There really is no title favorite.
The Bulls, a regular-season powerhouse, seem to have the same problems as last year, with no go-to besides Rose. Unless Hamilton gets back up to true health, this may again be the case in the postseason.
The Heat’s two blue-chippers often still overlap their prized skills. Yeah, sure, their fast breaks are the most sexual thing since Marvin Gaye making a peanut butter sandwich, but I still don’t trust this duo in the half court.
Oh, and LeBron’s lame-ass comments about potentially returning to the Cavaliers, with Wade replying “anything could happen,” is a terrible showing of unity and team belief.
LeBron will never be good with the media. Everyone will always dislike him. Unless he goes through some sort of intensely-trying adversity to bring him down to earth, this guy might never “get it.” I can’t believe the best basketball talent in the universe is this gigantic of a dork.
The Thunder are missing a post scorer. Their only true point-manifesters are Durant, Westbrook, and Harden, and although that’s as formidable a trio as could potentially be at the 1, 2, 3, it’s still very jumpshooty. I can’t take this team seriously in a bruiser-esque playoff battle, and I can totally see them losing a game seven on a Durant fade-away three point miss at the buzzer, when they only needed two to tie.
Cue Westbrook pouty teenager face.
The Spurs are playing lovely offensive basketball, but their defense is still a bit suspect. They’re 19th in boards and 12th in points allowed, and as we saw last year, team defense still rules the ‘ship and a first place Spurs team can get upset in round numero uno.
The Clippers lost a huge piece in Billups. He may not be Mr. Big Shot anymore, but he does have a ring. And we know that “old” wins the title. Happens every year. And as much as I do love watching the Clips light shoe string fires under rings of naranja, the experience factor (as well as the Vinny Del Negro factor) always catches up with the young in the playoffs.
Although this season, who knows?
Especially with CP3 at the helm. We saw what he did last year to the champs with… hm… oh yeah, I can’t name anybody else who was on his team. Aaron Grey? I think Ariza, too. I think.
And I’m not even googling this. I don’t want to. The mystery of not knowing is more fun than reading the names, I’m sure.
The field?
The East still looks out of reach by anyone not named the Bulls or Heat. The Knicks are somewhat tasty, and the 76ers and Pacers are probably still one move away…
The West has Dallas of course. They look meaningful, but I like the three teams above a little more. The Lakers have a zombie bench and were swept out of last year’s playoffs with a better team, gameplan, coach… I could go on. No one else gives me serious shudder.
So…
It’ll most likely come down to those first five teams and their injury status. If any of their top two guys goes down (Rose/Deng, James/Wade, Durant/Westbrook, Parker/Duncan, Paul/Griffin), their title hopes are roadkill.
Of course, every year there is a dark horse, and last year, the darkest of horses took down the evilest of South Beach henchmen. Maybe I’m overlooking the Mavs? Maybe the Grizz, with a hungry Randolph, can steal a title? Maybe the Bobca…
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