(Photo credit: VegasNews.com)
‘Sup Losers? It’s your main man Jeremy Roenick . Now, it’s not often that I take time from my busy schedule of being awesome, golfing and selling small business needs to talk about one specific subject, but I feel like you guys really need to hear this from a trusted expert source such as myself.
Quit using NHL 11 as a predictor for stupid trades!
I really don’t give a shit if some stupid trade worked in NHL 11 and you feel like you need to post it on your blogs, your Twitter and random boards on the Internet. There’s no way 99% of those trades would ever actually work in the real NHL. Do you really think Ted Leonsis is going to go “Ooh! Jeff Finger and a sloppy blowjob for Alex Ovechkin ? I’d be a fool NOT to pull the trigger on this deal!”? It doesn’t make you look like some freakin’ Nostradamus or Galileo of hockey. It just makes you look like some loser sitting in his bedroom who only touches breasts when they’re in a bucket of chicken (oh snap!)
Here’s a trade that’s a little more reasonable: how about trading my fist to your face in exchange for your mom to my lap? Now THERE’s a trade the NHL won’t send to arbitration!
All in all, you geeks should leave the trade prognostication to us experts. After all, most of us have played hockey before. We know the ins and outs of organizations, the life of a player, and we’ve even suffered the necessary head injuries that prove how tough we are. Especially Mike Milbury—did you know that he has little marks on the inside of his shoes to make sure they’re on the right feet? It’s true. And they aren’t even shoes you have to tie. But I digress.
Don’t worry about the complicated guesswork that takes place when real experts put forth trade rumors. We know what we’re doing without some stupid game that doesn’t even have a “pass” button helping us out. Just go on back to your cats asking for cheeseburgers and two-handed broadswords and silly crap like that.
Screw Milbury,
JR.
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