Missing is 6’1″, 210 lb. right winger named Marian Hossa. He currently has 2 assists (both in Game 2) in four games, an even +/- rating, and 17 shots on goal. Hossa signed with the Red Wings this past offseason, for less money, to win a Stanley Cup, yet has gone missing during the Stanley Cup Finals against his former team. Detroit fans were expecting great things, so, naturally, are greatly concerned and even wondering if Hossa still secretly plays for the Penguins.
He was last seen holding onto his stick with one hand and taking a poor angled shot on Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury despite there being teammates wide open in front of the net. He has frosted blonde hair and a fairly attractive boo. We should have you know that it has been four games since he’s gone missing, so there’s a chance Marian Hossa may look like this now:
We know how much it means to Hossa to win a Stanley Cup and we’d hate for him to miss the entire series and not be able to contribute. We’d really hate for that to happen, so someone better find him. The series is currently tied 2-2 heading into Game 5 on Saturday at Joe Louis Arena.
If you have any information on the whereabouts of Marian Hossa please call Mike Babcock, Ken Holland, or Little Caesars pizza and ask for Mike Illitch and return him to the Joe by Saturday’s Game 5. Thank you and have a wonderful day.
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