We’ve had some fun here with Stuart Scott in the past, but the fact remains, he’s still a high paid, influential sports journalist. Well, the other night, I had the opportunity to ask him a few questions recently. Here we go.
Good to see you Mr. Scott. I want to first ask you your opinion on Barry Bonds.
Thanks, dog, good to talk to you. You know, he’s leaving the Giants after a great career there. Big ups to my man Barry.
You don’t think his career there has been tainted by steroid allegations?
I haven’t seen any proof of his guilt. All I see is a great hitter doing big things.
What about his trainer who is in jail for refusing to give grand jury testimony?
How is that evidence? Since when did grand juries become law?
…
Now, take a look at someone like Jay Gibbons, that monster, who has actually been linked to a pharmacy that provides steroids.
Wasn’t Bonds linked to BALCO?
To what now?
Never mind. Let’s talk about football. Who do you have?
Well, the Eagles are clearly the class of the league, with my dog D-Mac in charge. Clearly, he’s the best quarterback in the league. Nothing can stop them. Booyah!
Besides the Packers right? Or the Redskins or Giants? And it looks to me like the Patriots are unstoppable, and that Tom Brady might be the best quarterback in the league.
He would be nothing without Randy Moss. That dude is so Now.
Any thoughts on the beginning of hockey season?
Ho-what? Just playin’. I think they really need to inspect that league. It’s entirely too brutal to be shown on television, with all the fighting and hits. I think they really have a problem with violence.
Uh. Sure. So, who is your favorite athlete?
Muhammad Ali, all time favorite. Currently Pacman Jones. He’s fast and exciting. Too bad he’s not playing.
You do recognize the irony right? Muhammad Ali fought and Pacman Jones hits. And shoots bouncers. Or, his posse shoots bouncers.
Hockey players are out of control thugs. Pacman is just a misguided soul.
What the hell? Wait. You haven’t made a single logical point the entire interview.
Are you a racist?
What?!
You’re a racist! This interview’s over! I want to talk to your manager. You should be suspended for your yellow journalism.
Wait. What?!
[Scott leaves and the door slams. The end]
So yeah. That didn’t go well. I’m expecting a letter from Google any time now, telling me that I can no longer blog here. So, if this is farewell, it’s been a great ride.
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