R1G5 RECAP: White Unicorn. Sorokin Halaks Pens in 3-2 Double OT Heartbreaker feat. Wolfmother

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I’m hearing on the internet that the Penguins hockey game tonight is PIVOTAL.  Has any Game 5 in the history…

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R1G3 RECAP: No Fear. Carter and Tanev Flex Nuts vs. Isles in Wild 5-4 Pens Win (Feat. DeJ Loaf)

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This is my first full summer living in an actual house.  Big apartment guy, but duty calls when you’re in…

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R1G1 RECAP: Nutshell. Isles Drop Pens 4-3 in OT feat. Alice in Chains

It’s been 19 days since my last blog.  Big mountain-standard time zone swing through Yellowstone, Bozeman, and shit. Huge thanks…

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RECAP 50: Yellow Ferrari. Bruins Top Pens 3-1 feat. The Toxic Avenger

Lucky number 50 and the second of a back-to-back vs. the Bruins. Last one of the year against them too. …

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RECAP 48: Fatality. Pens Execute Devils 4-2 feat. Mortal Kombat

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In honor of the new Mortal Kombat movie being released on HBO this week, today’s recap will be themed accordingly. …

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RECAP 45: Got Me Wrong. Pens Lose 4-2 vs. Buffalo feat. Theory of a Deadman

Welcome to the Sunday afternoon Recap – today’s theme is being dead. Dead like the Sabres, who are mathematically eliminated. …

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RECAP 42: Some Devil. Pens Crush Devs 5-2 feat. Dave & Tim Reynolds

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It was 80 degrees in April with COVID taking a beating on the ropes.  Restrictions were getting lifted.  The Cubs…

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RECAP 39: Helium. Rangers Deflate Pens 8-4 feat. Glass Animals

I’ll be honest with you boners. The Recap on Sunday took it out of me.  Way too much of a…

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RECAP 38: One of Us Is Gonna Die Young. Pens Drop Gongshow to Bruins 7-5 feat. The Ark

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Far as Saturday afternoon games in mostly empty arenas during a COVID-shortened season in April go, they don’t get much…

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RECAP 36: Good. Pens Stymie Ises 2-1 feat. Better Than Ezra

The 2021 Penguins are trying to get in the Position of Fuck You. Who’s hair is more bizarre?  Bald Goodman…

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RECAP 33: Safe Inside. Pens Steamroll Sabres 5-2 feat. Passion Pit / Classixx

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Lucky number 33.  Larry Larry Bird, ya’ll. I’m a big fan of high school bullying.  It’s a natural way to…

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RECAP 30: Devil In A New Dress. Devs Burn Pens 3-2 feat. Kanye

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Josh wrote a lovely poem in the Gameday post today.  Too bad it’s Game 30, not Game 29.  Try to…

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RECAP 28: 6! Jarry beats Bruins 4-1 feat. Pulses

There are good bosses and bad bosses.  Geoff leans heavily in the “good” direction (music tastes notwithstanding – more on…

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RECAP 25: Times Like These. Pens Clip Rangers 4-2 feat. Jack Johnson

News Flash:  Pens have stacked 3 straight regulation Ws. Don’t thank Evgeni Malkin.  Or Jared McCann (get better soon).  Or…

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RECAP 23: Interstate Love Song. Pens Stone Flyers 4-3 feat. STP

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NOTE:  Before we begin, friendly reminder to peep Danny’s write-up on Dan Marino’s early season struggles.  It’s tremendous work, but…

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RECAP 21: The Race. Pens Smoke Flyers 5-2 feat. Wiz

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I’ll be honest with you.  I was out of town all weekend playing golf with a couple buddies and my…

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RECAP 17: Doin’ It Right. Pens Win Snoozer 3-2 feat. Daft Punk

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The Pens rode south after escaping Greaseball Coliseum with a pair of solid wins.  I’m sure the team is relieved…

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RECAP 15: Animal. Pens Piiss on Isles 4-1 feat. Miike Snow

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Quick 2 minute sermon before the Recap.  Skip ahead if you must, but there’s boobs. Right now, Pens fans are…

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RECAP 13: Release. Pens Secure Solid 6-3 Victory vs. Caps feat. Pearl Jam

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Pens-Caps: Part 3 of 8 from the Paint Can.  Good to be back on a regular schedule following a tumultuous…

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I Smell Hex and Burkie: Pens Reveal New Front Office

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Some people might say that title was a stretch.  Some people would be wrong.  Never a bad excuse for a…

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RECAP 7: So Close. Bruins Edge Pens in OT 3-2 feat. Tom Misch

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Danny said it after last game – 4 wins in a row is officially streaking.  If the Pens were running…

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Recap 5: Holding On: Pens Stun Rangers 4-3 in Shootout feat. Disclosure

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The Pens came into Game 5 looking to build momentum following a gusty 2-0 series sweep vs. the Washington Charas…

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Recap 2: If I Ever Feel Better. Flyers beat Pens 5-2 feat. Phoenix

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Before we get to the game, allow me to get something off my chest / set the table for the…

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The Whispering Winds of Sh*t: Pens 2021 Division + Predictions

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We talked about it a couple weeks ago, and now it’s happening.  While everyone was busy gritting their teeth through…

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Pens Feeling Claustrophobic in New Division feat. PJ Morton

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“Well, suck me sideways!” – Lloyd Christmas That didn’t last long.  After it looked like an on-time NHL start was…

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NHL 20/21 Season a Ticking Time Bomb feat. Iration

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NHL player agent Allan Walsh isn’t known for his subtlety.  You may remember his magnificent since-deleted-tweet in August defending his…

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Pens COVID Division Realignment Party feat. LCD Soundsystem

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First things first – I’m new here, so be as harsh as possible.  Geoff & Co were kind enough to…

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