In an eerie reminder of Woody Hayes nearly losing his plans for the Michigan game in the early 70s, Ohio State fans and staff are frantically searching for Jim Tressel’s briefcase this morning after it was reported missing around 9am EST.
So far, no report of foul play has been alleged.
I’ll have more details as I hear more on this story.
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UPDATE – The plans have not yet been completely found, but the first page has been discovered near a dumpster by the Varsity Club. That page included the following goals on how to defeat Michigan;
– Tell Mike Hart there’s a camera in the other end zone. He’ll sprint to get in front of it, and we tackle him for a safety.
– If Hart does not fall for the camera trick, try to lure him away from his team’s huddle during a windy moment. If the wind blows faster than 13 MPH, he will sprain something and be unavailable the rest of the day.
– Leak it to the Ann Arbor media that Todd Boeckman is ¼ black. The UM defense will wet themselves.
– When lined up on defense, whisper to the underclassmen on Michigan’s o-line that Carr will be fired if they lose. Monitor which players intentionally allow the sack on Chad Henne, and attack.
– Convince a high-level Michigan “source” to ”confirm” Lloyd Carr’s “retirement” to Brian at MGoBlog. The Michigan Media will spend all week showing Lloyd’s fall from grace, further angering the fans and team….thus distracting them from proper preparation.
– Call Frank in the OSU video department. Have him take a clip of Ryan Mallett talking to a random lineman on the side. Dub in audio over the clip that makes Mallett sound like he’s saying “I’m not throwing to that fucking Manningham anymore. He blows.” Release the clip to ESPN.
– Drop a manila folder outside the players dorm labeled “CONFIDENTIAL”. Inside should be a note discussing Carr’s replacement candidates if he loses to Ohio State. Make sure Jim Tressel and Les Miles are on that list.
As The BBC receives more information from our sources, we’ll release more of our findings. Please let us know what you find out in our comments section.
UPDATE! Police have been able to decipher another one of Tressel’s notes on Page 1. It reads;
– If Adrian Arrington is headed towards the goal line, Buckeye defenders should point in the opposite direction and shout “bitch has got your keys”.
More details as they are released.
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