The end of February brings two awful things to the world every year. The first is the end of Subway’s $5 for any foot-long special. The second is the mind-numbing dribble known to sports fans as bracketology.
March madness is a pretty awesome thing. A ton of teams get to play in one huge winner-take-all tournament in a national showcase. Every team’s fans can represent their colors and cheer for their school to achieve some level of recognition.
Now that I have that out of the way, let me talk about the prelude to the tournament. Every year in mid to late February, Doug Gottlieb and a bunch of other short idiots argue incessantly over which 19-8 school deserves a 13th seed over the next. We have to endure hour after pain-staking hour of whining, complaining, rationalizing, and childish banter in regards to theoretical edges one team has over the next. These so-called “analysts” will bring you to tears with their annoying claims and statements.
What makes these arguments all the more pointless is the amount of exceptions involved. For instance, any sucky team can win their conference tournament and earn a trip to the big dance. So even after an analyst makes sense of the logic they are trying to preach, it is immediately followed by a slurry of “ifs,” “ands,” or “buts.”
Perhaps I’m out of touch with this particular sport, but does anyone really follow ALL of college basketball the way people follow other sports? Is it really interesting to anyone to hear about literally ANY team they are not directly familiar with? What kind of pathetic loser gives two bits about Fort Valley State’s chance at making the tournament, if said person has no connection to Fort Valley State? Furthermore, what kind of moronic troglodyte tosses and turns at night about which 2 MEAC schools will garnish dance invitations, unless that person is directly affiliated with the MEAC?
Well I for one am done with the whole putrid affair. You heard it here first, I don’t give a screaming spit about Fort Valley State or the MEAC, or anyone else for that matter other than my school of choice. Who honestly does? This is not the NFL. No one is breaking down Texas A&M’s bench play in their free time outside of Aggies.
This is the primary reason why I hate bracketology. It is pointless, it is meaningless, it is stupid. I don’t know anything about the majority of the team’s the analysts are referring to, nor do the majority of the listeners.
Can we just be real for a minute? 68 flipping teams make the tournament! 68! And I still have to listen to a bunch of sissies crying about snubs and seeding, and travel disadvantages, and blah, blah, blah. Who cares! 68 teams are playing. If your team didn’t make it, I’ve got news for you – they weren’t good. I honestly could care less about strength of schedule, non-conference opponents, logistics, injuries, etc. When did everyone turn into such a bunch of whiners? Either you make it, or you don’t. Deal with it. Stop complaining about the hand that was dealt, and grow up.
The worst part of all of this is that bracket bubble teams statistically don’t matter. Last time I checked the lowest seed to ever win was #8 Villanova in 1985. Meaning, that the absolute longest-shot scenario based on historical data, is a #8 seed champion. So why in God’s name are we wasting so much time and energy arguing about a bunch of 12 and 13 seed hopefuls? Does anyone really think they can win it all? I will bet against them a million times. And at the end of the day, did George Mason fans feel good about losing in the final 4? No. They were losers, just like every other team other than Florida that year. Just like the losers that talk about bracketology.
So just shut the hell up about bracketology. It doesn’t matter, and nobody cares. It’s a complete waste of time. Everyone in this country is now dumber for having listened to it. And while I’m on the topic, stop telling people outside your little group about your stupid bracket come tournament time. Literally, no one cares about which 11th seed upset you “totally nailed.” I don’t find you smarter because of it. At all. Half the time those stupid bracket contests get won by 8 year old girls anyway…
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