Click on the jump for the most recent, breaking news on the Coug-A-Sutra’s recent arrest by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
****
Near Vestal, NY (AP)-
In a shocking development late Thursday night, Blake Shanahan, regional spokesman for the FBI in Boston announced that, due to an illegal practice of search and seizure, the FBI was forced to release the Coug-A-Sutra and his accomplises from Federal Custody earlier in the week.
According to Shanahan, the decision was rendered on Tuesday by the venerable Federal Judge Harry McFadden of the 1st Circuit Court in Boston.
According to a release from the Court’s spokesperson, Sutra’s “Cougar Love” Compound was illegally stormed by the local police force on October 16, 2011 before Federal agents arrived at the scene with proper warrants. As a result, the court was unable to proceed with Sutra’s formal indictment or arraingment, in spite of the fact that a “healthy dose of evidence existed which clearly documented Sutra’s illegal hacking of the SB Nation servers.”
Because the court proceedings ended without Sutra’s explicit exoneration, Bloguin president and founder Benjamin Koo quickly moved to file an injuction to block Sutra’s desired return to the WSU Football Blog. Per court documents filed late Tuesday:
“While Bloguin is determined to provide a blogging platform and network which rivals that of our closest competitors, the fact of the matter is that it clearly states in our employee handbook that (a) we expect all of our employees to conduct themselves with the utmost professionalism; and (b) formal involvement with local, state, and/or federal authorites represents cause for immediate termination.”
The court document concluded with claims that Sutra had irrevocably damaged the Bloguin “brand,” and that additional civil charges were pending..
Then, late on Thursday night, Sutra’s lawyer, Skippy Dupree….
filed a counter injuction accusing Koo of a long-standing plan to fire Sutra based on his multiple…personality… disorder. Specifically, this brief included e-mails which detailed Koo’s plans to undermine Sutra’s tenure with company, in part, because he viewed Sutra’s MPD as a “direct threat and danger to the Bloguin and WSU Football Blog franchises.”
In view of this filing and its the conflict it ostensibly posed with the American’s with Disability Act, Bloguin subsequently withdrew their initial injuction and announced that Sutra would be able to return to the WSUFB Blog as soon as he desired.
******
Finally, late Thursday night, the three remaining Blogfathers emerged from the newly refurbished “Situation Room” at the WSUFB blog headquarters to discuss Sutra’s pending return. Tim Huddleston offered first comment:
“Um, naturally we’re very surprised by this announcement. Of course, when I say surprised, what I really mean is that me and the rest of the fellas are “excited.” I mean, we’re all excited, right guys?.. Yep….we’re excited..just tremendously, tremendously, tremendously excited…..”
Added Longball: “Let me put this event into its proper historical context. I mean, this announcement is pretty much akin to when Bob Garman was granted an unprecedented 7th year of eligibility back in the 90’s. I mean, who didn’t want to hear “Holding, number 74, offense” for yet another year? And really, that’s the kind of contribution Sutra brought to this blog for years: The consistent ability to turn 2nd and 5 into 2nd and 15.”
“LISTEN!” shouted LucasCoug. “This is a welcome bit of news to our team. You know, borrowing from Longball, hearing of Sutra’s return is kind of like hearing about Tuel’s 2nd return following Cougar victories over CAL and Arizona State. I mean, you know there’s talent there, but do you really want to interrupt a winning chemistry? As for me, I am not so sure..”
And with that, the blogfathers left, leaving only a handwritten note behind them. It read:
“Welcome back, Sutra. We missed you a lot. And because of that, you get the Friday spot.”
*****
Meanwhile, efforts to reach Sutra were unsucessful. However, Mr. Dupree issued the following statement in his stead:
“I am proud to announce that, since his release from blog purgatory, Sutra has been working intensively with several strippers and a hooker to form a Vince Grippi tribute band…”
“And, while Sutra busily prepares to take the “Vince Grippi Experience” to a town near you, he wanted all the faithful to follow him next week on the World’s Greatest Blog. And he especially wants everyone to “keep the faith” in spite of the fact that CAL will win 38-17 this weekend in Berkeley.”
He concluded by saying “Me and Team Sutra have nothing else to say at this time.”
And neither do “we.” Go Cougs!
Add The Sports Daily to your Google News Feed!
