As a preface to this amazing, totally true story, it should be noted that rumors have started circulating recently that Brett Favre’s daughter – I think it’s Brittany – is all preggos and ready to burst with bay-bay any day now. Truth be told, I heard about this months ago from a well plugged in message board full of jack off college kids, but Vikings Gab recently picked up on this again after Larry Fitzgerald (Senior?) spilled some more beans about it, so it might have legs. Sexy, sexy legs. Anyway, Favre’s going to be a grandpa pretty soon. In the NFL. That one deserves a WTF. Now on to the story!
Resting peacefully in her hospital bed after an intense, yet healthy, labor, Brittany Favre reflected on a major accomplishments she had in the day; the birth of her first child, Brent Favre.
Grand father Brett Favre was excited as well, but for another reason. Brent became Brett Favre’s first direct bloodline to sign an a contract with an NFL team on the day they were born.
In a whirlwind of activity, Brent Favre has become the youngest player to ever sign a conditional contract in the NFL. With Brett Favre, the legendary quarterback from Mississippi who has played in Atlanta, Green Bay, New York and most recently Minnesota, as the child’s grandfather, Brent has quite the pedigree to follow. Brett said he couldn’t be happier though.
“It’s amazing to see your own little daughter, so young, so unfit and unprepared to be a mother, give birth to a child that looks a hell of a lot like I do.” Brett said while scowling at the young man, unmarried, that is apparently the child’s father. “I mean, it’s bittersweet, really. On one hand, it’s great to see your daughter so happy. On the other hand, I want to throw a damn football through that young man’s chest right there and them shove him in a mud pile while wearing Wrangler denims.”
After Brent was born Brett immediately called Minnesota Vikings head coach, Brad Childress, to share the news. Childress and the elder Favre have been casually holding conversations all offseason, and Brett felt very comfortable sharing this news with a coach whom he has had spats with in the past.
“I had to tell someone” He said, while kneading a Nike cap. “I couldn’t call Ted (Thompson) or Mikey (McCarthy) because they wouldn’t care. They’d say something like ‘Oh, well Aaron just had a grand kid too, so we’re going to go in that direction.’ I knew calling Brad and having Brent get in contact with the Minnesota Vikings was important.”
As soon as Brett called, Childress was congratulatory to him and offered a friendly ear while the elder Favre spoke surprisingly emotionally. It was soon after that emotional release though that Childress got down to business.
“Look, this is a rare opportunity” Brad said. “As a head coach, I’m always looking for ways to help our team get better, and so I asked Brett to tell me very honestly, ‘How does the kids arm look? Do his infant eyes have that gun slinger mentality? Are you able to tell if he’ll be at all mobile in the pocket?’ and when he answered those questions there was zero hesitation on the part of the Minnesota Vikings to fax down a contract and get this kid signed up today. It was simple, and we’re looking extremely forward to Brent joining our squad 20 years from now. Or later, maybe.”
Brett shared those same sentiments. “I’m excited. I haven’t told Brittany yet that I signed for Brent, but I’m sure it’s fine. That’s what this family wants. I also didn’t tell Childress that this kid’s father is a gangly mop haired little emo cunt, but if Brent even has a quarter of this man’s genes, he should be fine. At least better than Tarvaris.”
And with that, the Vikings seemingly have their first franchise quarterback since the days of Daunte Culpepper. Now, the struggle will be to build talent around him.
“I’ve told people like Percy, Adrian, and Sidney, go out and impregnate some ladies right now. We need their kids to solidify this team. They have the chance to go on a pretty good run here in the future. It’s exciting, it really is.”
When finally told about the contract, Brittany appeared less than inthused.
“Geeze, Dad! He’s not going to play football! He’s going to be a dancer and an artist, just like his father!”
Brett seemed embarrassed by his daughter’s outburst, but seemed to quell any suspicions of this talented grandchild’s destiny.
“Don’t listen to her. She’s real emotional right now. Brent is going to be a great quarterback. I mean, not as good as me … I may have to play a few more years now to lock up my records, but he’ll be ok, I guess.”
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