First off, this article is a bit facetious. If we’re cheering for laundry, it shouldn’t really matter the color or design of the threads. But perhaps the Milwaukee Brewers could better forge an identity through the cataclysm of 2014 by limiting the number of alternate, nostalgic or just plain bizarre uniform options at their disposal in future seasons. If you look at the Detroit Tigers, for example, they are often lauded as having a clean, classic look to their jerseys. The Brewers should employ more than one road and one home design, I’m not saying they should be boring, but do they really need 11* alternate jerseys?
This is not a comprehensive list, but it gets to the heart of the matter.
The Gold Jersey
This jersey is seriously awful…PURIOD, as Shaq would say. It looks like urine and it’s an eyesore. Get rid of it. I don’t care if Matt Garza likes it or not.
The Language Trick: Birrai, Piwowarzy, Bierbrauer, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I do like elements of these jerseys, particularly the Bierbrauer one because it basically stays true to the tone of the team’s blue jerseys. The Birrai one with the red and green, while perfectly lovable for what it celebrates, is kind of hideous and gets away from the Brewers’ color scheme too much. On a related note, the Cerveceros jerseys have become Brewers classics and should very much continue permanently. However, the Brewers don’t need to translate “Brewers” into every conceivable language and they shouldn’t put “Cerveceros” on the ugly gold jersey mentioned above, either.
The Braves Throwback
I understand the motivation: The Brewers would like to pay tribute to the Milwaukee Braves, who once ruled this town and a team that victoriously took it to the Yanks in ’57. But come on, that was 57 years ago and there aren’t many traces left of the Mil-town Braves. It’s well enough that Miller Park has an exhibit to pay kudos to the Braves. The Brewers don’t need to wear Braves uniforms ever. Regardless of the history, the Brewers shouldn’t touch anything regarding the controversy of Native American names with a ten-foot pole, and certainly shouldn’t ever wear the Braves knockoffs whilst playing the Atlanta Braves. Wearing a Braves tribute against the Braves does nothing but appear like a mirror match from Mortal Kombat and give stupid Braves fans the opportunity to bash the Brewers on Twitter for attempting to look like the current Braves. Hint to Braves fans: Read up on your franchise’s history before you start yapping at Milwaukee in your confusion.
The 1982 Obsession
Yes, yes, yes, kneel before 1982. Until current players get on board with the overwhelming drive of the fans to win this whole fockin’ thing, we will be forced to look back in anger and sadness at 1982, when our heroes came up short, thereby establishing a pattern of such behavior. Still, the policy on these throwbacks has become so nebulous that it’s comical. There were “Retro Fridays,” plus sometimes Sunday, or the first Friday of the month, or something. Currently everything seems to have degraded to where if that day’s starting pitcher wants to go Ball and Glove, so it goes.
It got even worse in 2014, when the Brewers decided they’d wear new-fangled versions of the road Ball and Glove uniforms from the ‘80s. Those looked good, as the Ball and Glove always does, but then they proceeded to get hammered by the Cardinals or something while lookin’ pretty good. So, yeah. I love the Ball and Glove, but it fully cements the insanity of the Milwaukee Brewers that they essentially have a secondary logo that more fans wear than the current logo, and then they perpetuate the cycle by wearing the Ball and Glove on the field sporadically but repeatedly. Maybe they should just get it over with and go back to the Ball and Glove for good, because that seems to be what most people want.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, I don’t bear hostility toward the Brewers for having so many logos and alternate unis. I like the current jerseys, although I’m not crazy about the blotchy shoulder patch. However, I do think the Brewers go just a little crazy with the number of alternates. I fully support Cerveceros, the Milwaukee Bears tributes and the nod to the American Association Brewers.
What I call for, one hundred percent, is the implementation of the “YOUniform” contest winner’s design from a couple years ago. That beautiful uniform prominently featured the classic Barrel Man logo. That jersey and hat combo was brilliant and the Brewers desperately need to bring it to the field in real games. Furthermore, I can live with the divide between the current logos and the Ball and Glove, but perhaps the Brewers should, if they haven’t already, push for the OK from MLB to wear a gray road uni with “Milwaukee” in script across the chest. The blue “Milwaukee” road jersey is all right, but the Brewers have some really nifty road grays. In my opinion those should be worn often, but they need to rep the city name on those ASAP.
Finally, I’m not sure if the Brewers could find a more comprehensive, cohesive identity (the better to coalesce for on-field group activities) if they reduced the number of alternate “costumes.” But I don’t think it would hurt their chances, either.
*11 may or may not be the actual number of alternate jerseys
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