Sexy superstar football player of the MINNESOTA VIKINGS, left tackle BRYANT MCKINNIE, was seen RAISING THE ROOF and POPPIN’ BOTTLES late last Thursday night during a celebrity event in HOLLYWOOD, where rich people go to be seen and finger strung out coke heads in Escalade backseats parked in no-parking zones!
GET THIS!
Apparently the bottles were so big that the entire planet stopped rotating on it’s axis in order to watch the wait staff unleash this ALCOHOLIC FURY at MCKINNIE’s table! His bill totaled over $100,000, and covered the cost of more than 15 bottles of SUPER expensive champagne and his monthly subscription of VIAGRA pills!
PAY HIM MORE!
But MCKINNIE faces uncertain times as his professional sport, the National Football League, heads towards a labor strike with a possible lock out in the coming months because they’re total PRUDES! If the lockout happens, MCKINNIE will no longer be able to afford TOP SHELF alcohol and may have to focus on improving his life or becoming a better football player instead of picking this nation up out of an economic slump through frivolous spending!
NOT THAT!
Oh yeah! The NFL is being pressured to give the players more money because, they, uh, put themselves in harms way, and, uh, sometimes McKinnie’s $4.9 million a year doesn’t cover certain expenses like case-bottle service at the most expensive club in HOLLYWOOD, stripper rentals from the hottest cortesans in MIAMI, and 17 different cars!
SUPERSTAR LIFESTYLE!
This is why SUPERSTARS like BRYANT MCKINNIE need more money! They are better than normal poor people and deserve to be making that bank, bro! Flash those dollar bills, homeboy, you deserved it! Shove those G’s straight up Roger Goodell’s butthole and say “I WILL NO LONGER LIVE IN POVERTY!”
FACT!
That’s what BRYANT MCKINNIE was saying Thursday night, while you were working your second job to pay for the rent, you poor douchebag! AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!
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