“Why did I sign with the Nationals? When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It’s 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me.”
Yesterday, Julian Tavarez was dumped by a 600-pounder. The last-place Nationals designated Tavarez for assignment.
So what’s a 36-year-old pitcher with an ERA of 14.73 in July to do?
Maybe he should go back to that club, where another patron is sitting alone at four in the morning. This patron does not look like Jennifer Lopez, either.
But Tavarez is in his mid-thirties and available on the cheap, so to Omar Minaya and the Mets, he probably looks like Brad Pitt.
No, wait. It’s Julio Lugo who looks like Brad Pitt to the Mets. Tavarez may have to settle for George Clooney.
There would be only one thing worse than the Mets signing Tavarez.
What if Tavarez tells the Mets, “It may be four in the morning. You may be the only one in the bar. But even I don’t think you look anything like Jennifer Lopez. Go home with you? Fat chance.”
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