Breaking news out of BMR Labs tonight. It appears that scientists have discovered real, live hockey players on Long Island, New York.
Previously, the New York Islanders had inhabited the Island but they had mysteriously gone missing since defeating the Ottawa Senators on November 29th. There had been no signs of hockey on Long Island since and opposing teams at the Coliseum had been given a free two points by confused NHL officials, who were wondering why they were even assigned to games with only one team.
Tonight, news has broken that the Anaheim Ducks — who expected to earn a free two points on Long Island — are apparently playing in an NHL game on Long Island. It is unclear at this time who they are playing, but stay tuned to BMR all night for updates.
For more, we turn to our Senior Frozen Pond Expert, Larry Filbert.
Larry Filbert: Thanks, Kevin. A source close to the situation tells me that an AHL team has taken up residence in place of the long lost New York Islanders franchise.
Kevin: Do you have anything other information, the score of the game, maybe?
Larry: Actually, I do. I’m being told that the Ducks are losing 2-0 right now.
Kevin: Wait. The Ducks are losing?!?
Larry: That’s correct. The fact of the matter is that this is a very dangerous and confusing situation at the moment, but there is very little information. One thing that I can say, is that this could be dangerous if there are any spectators at the game. They haven’t seen a visiting team losing by this much in nearly three months. This may inhibit their cognitive abilities, especially their ability to reason.
Kevin: So is it possible that a superhuman race of zombies is being created?
Larry: Yes. Yes it is.
Kevin: Thank you Larry, a scary situation indeed.
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