(SCENE: JASON BLAKE skating on ice, with hockey gear around kids with gear)
BLAKE: Hi folks! I’m NHL player and 40 goal scorer Jason Blake. You know, hockey camps can be a real expensive endeavor over the summer. The chances of your child making it to a pro league like the NHL are incredibly slim, and the chances of them being an impact player who makes millions of dollars and can buy you that big house in the hills are even smaller. So, why not enroll them in a camp that will teach them a skill they can use for life–the art of the fist pump.
(montage of BLAKE teaching the kids about fist pumps–drawings of the steps on a blackboard, drills, etc)
BLAKE: It’s a skill that can be used in any situation: your order for Chinese food came in? FIST PUMP! (he fist pumps) HIV test came back negative? FIST PUMP! (he fist pumps) In my intensive 4 week school, your child could learn to fist pump with the best of them. Oh look, it’s my good pal and Stanley Cup winner Martin St. Louis!
ST. LOUIS: Good pal? But I never talk to you…
BLAKE (mumbled): Shut up, dude, I’m paying you a hundred bucks to be here.
ST. LOUIS: AH! Jason! Such good buddy! Yes, I go to fist pump academy. I be big success. I feel big enough I could even get on roller coasters at Six Flags.
BLAKE: FIST PUMP! (he fist pumps, ST. LOUIS skates off with kids) Oh look, it’s another good friend and fellow Maple Leaf, Mikhail Grabovski (GRABOVSKI looks at BLAKE suspiciously, punches him in the face, and skates away)
GRABOVSKI: Stupid smashed hamster.
FINIS
Add The Sports Daily to your Google News Feed!
