Fan Mail

So I’m not sure if we should thank the good folks at Cold Hard Football Facts or not. They linked us on their main page yesterday (“Funny Colts blogger struggles with cycle of rage”) and linked it to 88 reasons to hate the Patriots. That was really cool of them, but it also flooded our inbox with insane emails. Apparently, I have to explain myself using very small words so some people can understand me: We are joking. It’s called hu–mor. Yeah, we really do hate the Pats, but seriously folks, we are joking around. This site is the result of two brothers publishing the kind of stuff that we email and IM to each other every day anyway. We are two guys sitting around laughing, and want the rest of you to be in on the joke. Not everyone gets that; they took 88 Reasons as some kind of cultural manifesto.

The email we received fell into three categories:

1. So profane and vile that it sort of made me sick that people could be so twisted. There was actual evil involved in some of these emails.

2. Furious that we dared to make fun of Bill Belichick’s son-Seriously. I actually felt bad about the one about Tom Brady’s baby, and I actually slightly adjusted the wording this morning because I felt it was a tad harsh toward a kid who hasn’t even had the chance to be annoying on his own yet and will probably grow up to hate his dad as much as the rest of us. But come on. Joking about Bill’s annoying kid (who does have a drug charge against him) is not the end of the world. Every one of the dude’s buddies must have emailed us calling us puritanical and cruel and what not. Whatever, it was a joke, and we laughed about it, and we aren’t apologizing for it.

3. People who thought the article was hilarious and have a sense of humor. I thank you both.

Here are some of the best emails of the day:

Tim says: I appreciate the vigor with which you support your Football club, but don’t you guys have more important things to do with your time out there in Indiana? Like husking corn for instance? I hope northeastern teams continue to blow out your pathetic franchise and beat you at the very game with which you are obsessed. The Northeast is the best part of this country and always will be. Clinging to your pathetic little football team won’t change that. The funny thing is, while you guys are living and dying by the Colts, football is just a simple form of entertainment here in the northeast and always will be. I just find it to be so amusing that your area of the country obsesses to no end over football and you can’t even beat the Northeast, an area of the country that could care less about football. Face the facts, whatever you do, we can do better. It’s always been that way and it’s not going to change. Have fun milking your cows tomorrow morning.

Dude, what a great email! Did you work on that all day? I couldn’t have done a better job of mocking the arrogance of the north east myself! Classic performance! Not to mention the irony involved in going to the trouble of emailing someone from the midwest to complain about how much spare time WE have out here. Sooooo funny. Man, you should write professionally, because you are a gosh darn hoot! thanks for reading!

Next we have William who quite fairly points out that perhaps our criticism of a Pats fan site was self inflicted: Um, don’t go to Patriot sites, dude. Crazy thought, but if it is ilovethePatriots.com, um maybe you won’t like it. Just saying.

Too true, my friend. All too true. We had that coming.

Sean writes: You’re list on why you hate the Pats was really cute. Looks like the fans are just like the players, whiny little b*****. Why don’t you spew some venom on your choker quarterback who has let his fans down like what, 20 times in big games?? You guys pay good money for tickets to see those choker losers and they reward you guys with sub-par play time and time again. Dungy gets fired from Tampa Bay and what happens the next year? Manning leaves Tennessee and what happens the next year? I never understand why you guys support your brides-maid team year in and year out. We’ll see your loser team in Foxboro in January and beat them yet AGAIN.

1. They are a bunch of losers with loser fans.
Manning chokes YET AGAIN!!
LEWSERS!!

At first I thought Sean was being satirical as well. I wrote to thank him for hilariously mocking the Pats fans who blame Manning for everything because apparently they think football is a game played by two men at a time, and Manning is a choker because he threw two perfect TDs that his wideouts dropped and was blindsided on consecutive possessions by a line that decided to imitate a sieve. Incredibly, as it turns out Sean was serious! I then chided him for his spelling. He replies (and I’m serious):

That’s a Jim Carrey line from Ace Ventura, Einstein. The LEW is accented. Get it?

Oh I’m sorry, Sean. I stand corrected. It was my mistake to think that we were living in 2007 and to expect a reference from this century (or at least from a movie classic enough to be worth quoting a dozen years later). You’ve done it Sean! Your wit and wisdom have bested me.

A couple of quick notes: 18 Plays will be up late tonight or tomorrow morning. Also, Pats fans keep commenting on old posts from the weekend, but oddly enough no one has anything to say about “Let me be very clear.” Huh. Curious.