If you end up looking strictly at win-loss records, you’d notice that the 5-2 PJD’s Shirtless Men is (are?) still clearly the favorite to demolish this stupid league and buy myself a t-shirt. Perhaps I’ll purchase a new one for myself, as recently discussed in other post’s comments like the “Hey Green Bay, where’s your WNBA Title?” or some type of visual representation of Brian Robison kicking someone in the crotch. I can only DREAM of the possibilities!
However … If you are to look at winning percentage because of me setting this league up like an insolent child, you’ll notice there are three teams tied for winning percentage in the league at .714 despite, again, PJD’s Shirtless Heroes being the best team anyway.
The only thing this really means is that SHIT JUST GOT INTERESTING. Will any of these rapscallions chase down my team’s favored titled? Will I have to choke a B? No, but let’s see who’s doing what in this week’s breakdown:
Week Results: Everyone hold on to your tits when I make this announcement, but holy cross, Feisty Fan got a win. She beat out Tebow’s Bible Camp, the second best team in the now-obsolete-referenced Brandon Bernard Lover’s division. That is quite the lofty win, and may turn her fortunes. There are three other teams in our division that are 3-4, and so possibly, miraculously, just maybe, she could hit a win streak and knock some of those douchers off and sneak into the playoffs? … I don’t know, I’m just making shit up to make her feel better. I don’t recall many of the other games being that close, but Cheeseheads losing big to SHIVA shifted some of the power in the other division, while “I Touchdown There” winning was another case of what I said was needed patience to have his fortunes turn around. Another two or three wins and he’s right back into the mix for the playoffs, easily.
Finally, congrats to Ponder’s Porn Palace and The Rose Gardeners who put up 13 and 17 points each, respectively, and are top candidates for attrition heading in to next year based on their total lack of disregard for updating their team rosters week to week. I’m pretty sure Ponder’s stopped playing months ago, as he’s still starting Garret Hartley who is on IR, yet he is 3-4. Disgusting.
TOYOTA’S SPONSORED BIGGEST BLOW-OUT FESTIVAL OF BLOWS: This week, TOYOTA came to me with a new Prius and said, “Hey, if we sponsor your league biggest blow-out win, would you be willing to tell people how great and 2012 Prius is?” And I said, “ABSOLUTELY NOT, MAN! I will not sell out to the man, even if that man has incredibly comfortable leather seats, impeccable miles per gallon, a tantalizing factory sound system, and is a brand name that I have known to love and trust over the years! I WOULD NEVER!” I actually don’t drive a Toyota. Shit’s too expensive. KIA, that’s where it’s at. KIA also likes the NBA, so they have that going for themselves. Anyway, this week’s blow-out goes to Kenny Britt’s Tits, a +44 point win over the now-defunct Porn Palace. Congrats!
Overall Standings: As stated, things have gotten a bit pants-tighter in the past few weeks. The margin of separation between the 1% and the 99% is still pretty large (good luck catching PJD, Feisty!), but the middle group is up for grabs at this point. Yes, the ties have made things a bit more interesting, but more so there has just been some very solid fantasy footballing going on among everyone. Looking at these standings, if I were to predict a favorite heading into the post season, I would still have to give nods to PJD’s Men, Parole Models, SHIVAs, and Touchdowns, based on points for totals. Really, you have to play the odds that these teams have players on them that score in bunches and that they will continue to do so as the playoffs start. Sure, I fully anticipate I’ll be a first round exit as my opponent will have a flukey week and win big over me, but you can’t EXPECT that, you know what I mean? Whatever.
Medal of the Week: Man, the medals have been tougher to choose than normal recently. Most of this has to do with people not winning anything new week to week. I anticipate much of this is due to laziness on YOUR part, because you can win medals just by completing a trade or posting in a message board. IDIOTS! Instead, the first medal I saw that was actually awarded this week and not two months ago again went back to Kenny Britt’s and reflected his big ass blow-out. So congrats, you won the medal of the week by default!
Fantasy Mailbag: There were no questions this week, therefore we get to sit in silence for the equivalent time that it would normally take you to read this section every week.
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I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson. Send any fantasy or other not at all related questions to us HERE and we’ll answer them in the fantasy recap! Need help? Here are some questions to consider:
- Who has been the biggest fantasy disappointment on my team this year?
- What team sucks the most in your opinion?
- Is it appropriate to tell my girlfriend to shut her yap when I get upset because Ray Rice fumbles twice instead of scoring twice and she laughs at me?
You get the idea.
How did Christian Ponder Do: Well, last week I off-handily said not to touch him because he’s a stupid rookie that wouldn’t score you any points. Once the dust settled, we found out that he put up 15 points for Feisty Finger and secured her first win. Sooo … I am a moron. Who do you think puts up more points this weekend; Ponder, TarVar, or Camputer Newton?
Looking Ahead: Last week I predicted a win for SHIVA, which I was totally correct about. This brings my prediction record to 4-2-1, which means I am a genius. This week I got my eye on the Toilet Bowl, as the 1-6 Feisty Fingers takes on the 0-6-1 Rose Gardeners. The beauty of the ties in this league is that, if Rose ends up winning, it will actually drop Feisty back to being the worst team in the league. We can’t have that, can we??! Well … Feisty is hit pretty hard with bye weeks this week, leaving most of her roster depleted. She needed all the help she received last week just to get her first win. On the other hand, assuming Rose doesn’t even check his roster this week, he has everyone starting and no byes affecting his roster. It might be a sexy pillow fight for the teams rich in wins to watch, but I unfortunately have to give the nod to Rose this week, and predict that Feisty will head back to the bottom, and that she’ll also end up being the worst team in the league then, too. Ahahaha … sex jokes.
If you need a break from fantasy football try out the NFL themed slot games, $5 Million Touchdown, at online casino sites like MobileCasino.mobi it offer a mix of genuine NFL interest (including reel icons featuring tackles, kicks and throws as well as that $5 million maximum jackpot) and gambling in a way that is a little less risky than trying to figure out which team will win the Super Bowl! And if fans are looking for a break from sports altogether there are also the usual card games you would expect to find in any casino including the most popular of them all, Poker. Maybe a little break from the sports altogether will refresh your mind for next season’s betting!
If I missed anything, tell us about it in the comments! Make sure you vote on who you think will win each game before they start on the league boards! Keep up the shit talking on your match-up screen! Share your medals that you win! Remember that if you fail to do any of these things YOU’RE F*CKING OUT for next year! Enjoy week seven, mother boy attendees!
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