Friday 5: Coach Kent Murphy

Coaching legend Kent Murphy is probably the world’s greatest baseball player.

And if you haven’t seen the “Baseball Wisdom with Kent Murphy” instructional videos…you’ve been missing out.  So, before we continue, I suggest you watch one.

Okay…you up to speed?

HOVG:  Now that we’ve seen some of your videos on YouTube.  How did you get involved with comedian Nick Hall?  And whose idea was it to bring your coaching lessons to the masses via the internets?

COACH KENT MURPHY: Man, Nick Hall thinks he’s funny. He is one of my dumbass producers. The other is Heath Benfield. They saw me out there hitting dingers one day and they was like “Hey Kent, can we film you so you can teach the kids?”. They were desperate, man, and I think they really only wanted to see LeeAnn’s boobies.

HOVG:  You do a really good job dispensing advice to baseball players of all ages.  What do you consider the best piece of advice you’ve handed out?

COACH KENT MURPHY: The best piece of advice I’ve handed out is that you should never bunt. It’s the worst play in sports. It’s a waste of an at bat that you coulda hit a dinger on. You can relate it to life too. Things like doing housework, or ordering wine coolers is like bunting. Don’t ever fuckin’ do it.

HOVG:  Conversely…what’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?

COACH KENT MURPHY: My dad used to tell me, “Don’t take no shit from anybody, but give it to everybody. No one is as good as you, so let them know.” I think he told me that my second or third day after I was born.

HOVG:  Do you have any superstitions before you suit up and hit the field?

COACH KENT MURPHY: Only thing I do before games is house about 342 cheesedogs. That shit is dong fuel.

HOVG:  Alright enough cute talk…let’s talk dingers.  We know you’re incredibly fond of the long ball…what is your personal home run record…both in a game and in a season?

COACH KENT MURPHY: One time I hit 18 in a game. It was my mens league team. I’m a player/coach so I kept pinch hitting myself for everyone in the lineup. The most I ever hit in a season is unknown. I lost count after 1843 dingers half way through the 2012 season.

HOVG:  And speaking of home run records, there’s a lot of controversy as to who the all-time king is.  In your mind…who is the king?

COACH KENT MURPHY: Well, it’s Barry Bonds. People get so mad about steroids and all this, but I don’t care about it. Fans don’t go to the game to see routine singles all day long. They want to see dingers, and then when they get to see a whole pile of them, they start complaining about it. Don’t make no sense. Shut up and enjoy the show.

HOVG:  Speaking of steroids…many (including the American Mustache Institute) consider the mustache the ultimate performance enhancer.  Outside of your Foxworthyesque lip curtain, have you ever taken any PEDs, steroids, etc.?

COACH KENT MURPHY: Like I said, only dong fuel I take is cheesedogs. It’s not that I’m against it, but personally I’m allergic to steroids. My muscles swell up when I take them, and my best white shirts don’t fit as well.

HOVG:  And since we’re on the subject, do you have any thoughts on the recent steroid scandal rocking Major League Baseball?

COACH KENT MURPHY: Three steroid questions in a row. I think Bud Selig likes to smell his own farts, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

HOVG:  Is there any advice you’d like to provide to the readers?

COACH KENT MURPHY: If you want to get better at baseball, and life, only listen to me. I’m the King Supreme.

HOVG:  Where can we find you?

COACH KENT MURPHY: If you google “coach K” I’m the first result. I passed that Duke coach with the weird name.  I’m everywhere, man. My YouTube channel is nickhallcomedy, @coachkentmurphy on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr. I don’t fart around, gotta reach these kids. I even have my own website.