From the Book of … John David Booty

Occasionally, members of the Minnesota Vikings will pass along updates from their own books in the Bible of the Purple Jesus. Today, we have a few verses from the Vikings’ John David Booty who shares some of his thoughts on this past season:

But then the Vikings drafted me and before I knew it my agent had me signed up for a contract and he was like, “Hey bro! You’re moving to Minnesota!” and we had a good laugh because I was thinking, “Mississippi? I didn’t know they had a football team!” and then he laughed more and told me that it was further north and I got real quiet and had to Wikipedia Minnesota, which is when I found out that the land once was populated by American Natives! They showed pictures and everything and they looked just like the Mexican dudes that I bought some awesome red haired buds from back in 2006 when me and Reggie went to Tijuana for the weekend before our finals, which was hard, because they made you fill the bubbles in all the way, and you couldn’t go out of the lines at all, which was a mess, because I always think outside of the box, man, and think of new ways of doing things, like how you can best use your mom’s Tupperware to blow your weed smoke into and lock it up, just lock it up man, and then use it for later so you can get high again when you don’t have anymore weed. It’s so brilliant, man!

Yeah, the Vikings threw a bunch of stuff at me then and asked me to read this long book of plays that looked like a Magic Eye if you crossed your eyes right but it took a while to see because I can never get those things to work even if I’ve been awake for 38 hours straight and my eyes are crossed anyway? No, still doesn’t work man, no way. I got to meet Adrian Peterson too, who I always thought was fake, but when he walked into the training room he blew me away with how he wasn’t actually purple, but brown, like a human, and not Jesus and … hahahahahaha, no, no, oh man, I’m just kidding man, ah! Oh wow … you completely fell for it. Jeeze! But did you see that playoff game that the Vikings were in, man? It was so crazy, they were like “oh no, we’re down!” and then they were like coming back and I was all like, “oh yeah!” and then Action-Jackson threw that pick and the entire sideline went all “Oh no!” and things got real intense during halftime and into the second half and then that Eagle took the football all the way to the end zone and I was just like …. Whoa. No. Way. That was sooo awesome. But then they said the game was over, man, so that was a bummer.

So yeah, the season was crazy. I’m just glad they gave us a break for the summer. They just burnt me out this year. It was so wild man …