Originally posted on “Is It Sports?” by Ryan. Ryan really wanted to do a game log where the Twins actually won, and this was his chance.
8:52 I’m taking advantage of a few things all coming together. A)High speed internet for easy uploading and B) the Twins are on TV. They are playing The Arizona Diamondbacks on ESPN2 and Johan Santana is on the hill. Should be a good game.
8:58 Once again, the Rockies and White Sox can’t score more than 10 runs combined. I’m speechless.
9:00 The ESPN baseball song is the best sports intro out there.
9:02 Jeff Brantley, keeping the mullet alive.
9:08 Dan Shulman (who? Was Rachel Nichols unavailable?) is helping Brantley dig himself a hole. Brantley thinks Johan Santana shouldn’t have won the Cy Young and Shulman lets him know that he makes no sense.
9:14 Luis Rodriguez batting, we get the obligatory “Twins have such a good farm system” rant.
9:15 Shulman with the Augie Ojeda reference. Nice.
9:17 I don’t think I’ve ever seen Luis Gonzalez in the field before. Interesting.
9:20 First bad news of the night. I’m out of Pepsi!
9:20 Royce Clayton wins the award for worst hair. Anywhere.
9:23 Justin Morneau is back in the lineup sporting a goatee even less fetching than mine.
9:24 Two first inning strikeouts. I’m pleased.
9:27 Once again, everyone thinks Torii Hunter is the best hitter on the Twins. Lately, yes, always, absolutely not. He follows Morneau, Joe Mauer, Jacque Jones, Shannon Stewart and Lew Ford. Sad truth, friends, but a fantastic glove doesn’t always translate to the bat.
9:29 Naturally, Hunter hits a gapper.
9:34 While Brantley is ripping Claudio Vargas, the starting pitcher for AZ, Jones drills about the 15th pitch over the left field wall. The Twins with a lead while I’m writing the log. I don’t know what to say. I’m beside myself.
9:37 After Cuddyer strikes out, Brantley says “If you can throw a breaking ball like that and don’t, you are either hard headed or don’t know what you’re doing.” Brantley doesn’t pull any punches. But really, “hard headed and doesn’t know what he’s doing.” That’s how I would describe…. Jeff Brantley.
9:43 Brantley won’t let it go about Santana. It’s like he’s upset he’s there. Meanwhile, Santana strikes out his third.
9:45 Another easy inning for Santana. Shulman summarizes Brantley’s arguments for why Schilling should have won the Cy Young
a) More wins
b) More pressure in Boston
c) More games against the Yankees
d) Brantley still wears a mullet, he’s clearly been hit in the head a few too many times.
9:48 Santana bleeds a single through the infield! He does it all!
9:49 Game update. Indians lead the Padres on an Aaron Boone homer. That’s a good sign you aren’t going to win when Boone homers.
9:52 Luis Rodriguez with the bunt single. The single least exciting play in baseball. The bases are juiced!
9:55 Mauer singles, Santana and Stewart score. This is so strange. I can’t be cynical because things are going to well!
9:57 Fielders choice, Twins up 5-0. This game has been magical.
9:59 Jones grounds into a double play. It isn’t a Twins game without a GIDP
10:04 Vargas with an ugly bunt. Brantley never misses an opportunity to rip on the pitchers in this game. He’s just bitter he has a mullet and doesn’t pitch anymore.
10:07 A-rod is the youngest player to 400 career homeruns. Congrats, I guess, despite your team’s terrible record.
10:12 While the Twins were batting, the commentators interviewed Jeff Moorad. I decided to leave to get ice cream. I don’t think I missed much
10:13 Alas, I was correct.
10:18 Santana is still cruising despite the second hit.
10:19 Brantley shares his opinion on interleague play. I ignore him.
10:22 Torii Hunter with the MLB commercial on ESPN2. Nice.
10:23 Santana has a virtually invisible at bat, but then the leadoff hitter Stewart goes yard. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad that he is tied for the team lead in homers.
10:26 Luis Rodriguez who weighs a little more than Lindsay Lohan, hits a rocket double to center. I love this game!
10:28 Wild pitch. Vargas is still in, down by 6. The announcers are almost ready to lose interest.
10:30 Hunter grounds out, ending another rough inning for the ‘Backs. I have my fingers crossed that we get to see the vaunted Arizona bullpen soon!
10:33 I like these game updates. Reds beat the D-Rays on a walk off homer by Wily Mo Pena. Wily Mo will be touring with Murphy Lee this winter.
10:36 Juan Castro is absolutely brilliant in the field, but he just bobbled that one.
10:39 I just had to look up something about Tommy Tutone. No, I don’t want to talk about it.
10:42 Mike Koplove in to give up about three runs.
10:42 Jones almost kills Tony Clark at first. Wicked shot.
10:45 Morneau hits, Cuddyer with an infield hit. The commentators have begun talking about offseason illnesses. We are on the slippery slope.
10:47 Another RBI, but Santana grounds into a double play. That guy is lucky he can pitch.
10:50 Every time Brantley opens his mouth, I want to throat punch him.
10:51 I can’t get over Royce Clayton’s hair.
10:52 Luis Gonzalez is Santana’s 8th strikeout victim. His look says it all.
10:55 I don’t want to think about John Madden selling Tinactin. He can’t have attractive feet.
10:56 Uh oh, Shulman and Brantley are talking about the pool at BOB. Interest is gone.
10:59 Koplove is… erratic.
11:01 Lew Ford gets beaned by Koplove. Things are not going well out there.
11:03 Sac fly Jones. This is ugly, friends.
11:05 This game is going on forever. (Channeling Sandlot) Forever. Foooreeeeeevvvver.
11:10 Da Vinci would call this outing a work of art.
11:12 Morneau very nimbly dives for a groundball. He’s definitely no Doug Mientkiewicz.
11:16 They keep going back to that pool. Surely a sign that nobody cares.
11:17 Castro doubles, Cuddyer scores bringing Santana up with a 9-0 lead.
11:20 Michael Ryan in for Stewart. The Twins are now on cruise control.
11:21 Sac fly. Twins break double digits. These game logs are more fun when the Twins win.
11:22 Brantly and Shulman are waxing philosophic about the draft. Nostalgia is kicking in.
11:27 Dead air, followed by Brantley repeating something he said a long while ago.
11:29 15 hits to 3. Wow.
11:35 I have no idea what happened, and I’m pretty sure the announcers don’t either.
11:36 Don’t worry Brantley, it’s almost over and you can get away from these useless pitchers and groom your finely sculpted mullet.
11:39 Twins have a great farm system, etc. Would these conversations happen if the Twins aren’t up 10?
11:42 Twins win! Incredible.
I don’t think this was a condemn
ation of the D’backs, as they were pitching a terrible pitcher who was making a spot start against the reigning Cy Young winner. I’ll take the win. Oh, and screw you Jeff Brantley- Ryan