GAMEDAY 69: Hello From The Other Side

PITTSBURGH (In the Playoffs) VS PHILADELPHIA (Not In the Playoffs)

WELLS FARGO CENTER. PHILADELPHIA, PA.

7:30 PM EST. NBCSN

During the almost unwatchable Stadium Series showdown NBCSN reminded the national audience that the Flyers reallllllly needed to win that game as well as 2 of their next 3 to have a realistic shot at making the playoffs. Much like we are used to the Flyers came up short. Of course it is Philadelphia however, so they have been able to hang around the playoff bubble until the middle of March. This is perfect for a team that can’t seem to put together a consistent season, has more than a few question marks on their roster, and can’t manage their money and yet refuse to get rid of anyone. If the Flyers were a kid, they would be a 34 year old stepson from your second marriage that is going to crash in your basement until he gets his feet on the ground and you’ve been with your third wife for 4 years. As of today the Flyers have an 84% chance of missing the playoffs AND the draft lottery. In other words the Flyers have a 100% chance of sucking again next year. Based on the magic numbers, with a win tonight the Penguins make it statistically impossible for the Flyers to pass them in the standings. I know that Flyers fans are narrow-minded and view head-to-head matchups against the Penguins as the big picture, but finishing above them in the standings will always be the determinant of the better hockey team.

That’s a shit ton of “Does Not Control Destiny” ya got going on there Flyers. To think you had a 10 game winning streak at one point in this season too, maybe you can ask the Capitals to make a banner for that. When the Maple Leafs have a better chance at making the playoffs than you and you still don’t consider rebuilding that’s when you know there is a problem. To think you were actually in the Stanley Cup Finals not so long ago, too. Then you blew up the team that got you there and put a lot of misguided faith into a completely overrated player that a national audience totally saw Crosby pass the baton to. In most cases when a team gets to the Stanley Cup and fail they learn from their mistakes and build on their experiences. The only two recent teams that haven’t are the Vancouver Canucks and the Flyers. The only difference between the Canucks and the Flyers is that when the Canucks lost in the final there was a huge riot that damaged the city; if a riot like that happened in Philadelphia it would be a blessing. Other than that, the two teams are the same. Ignorantly believing in a failing system, with players that aren’t as good as they are priced, and refusing to make any drastic changes to the roster due to a lack of testicles.

Since going to the finals the Flyers have won 14 playoff games in 6 years. When the Penguins play the Flyers next year I will be able to say that since going to the finals the Flyers have won 14 playoff games in 7 years. Do yourselves a favor and blow up your roster, admit that Giroux isn’t the leader you wanted him to be. Admit that resigning your horrible goaltender shouldn’t have been a priority at the trade deadline this year. Speaking of which, why in the hell would you agree on accepted Valtteri Filppula and use one of your locks in the upcoming expansion draft on him? You see, it’s moves like that that not only keep you out of the playoffs but also show that you don’t deserve the playoffs. Teams like Buffalo, Toronto and the Islanders have embraced their suck long enough to build up a team that has earned some respect. The Flyers haven’t embraced their suck, and therefore have no respect from anyone in the league.

PROJECTED STARTING LINEUPS:

The Penguins are injured blah blah blah, at least they aren’t the Flyers. No real need in even putting this graphic in here to be honest since the Penguins line up is a question mark at this point and the Flyers line up is a joke.

WHO TO WATCH:

FOR PHILADELPHIA:

FOR PITTSBURGH:  

Dear spirits, all spirits really, please allow the Penguins to exit this meaningless game against this even more meaningless team healthy. As a part of this sacrifice I will hire a male dancer for Claude Giroux and allow Mr. Giroux 10 full minutes of ass grabbing.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Beating the Flyers in the Stadium Series was great. Being able to beat them tonight and claim another season over them in the overall standings will be better. Facing them 2 Sundays from now and putting the final stake in their coffin will be the icing on the cake. If you’re a Flyers fan reading this, just kidding they can’t read. If the Flyers win this game just know that it’s the games your team doesn’t play that are the most important. Please send all original “Cindy Crysby” “Your team almost moved to Kansas City” “you filed for bankruptcy” and “we owned you in the 80’s” tweets to @pensblog on Twitter. We look forward to your attempts of creativity paralleling your favorite hockey teams horrible performance in the national hockey league.