Our Day With The Stanley Cup

The 2010-2011 Boston Bruins season was magical. It’s the only way I can properly describe what I witnessed from October to June. Wow, October to June. When the Bruins won the Stanley Cup, I called my sources within the Bruins organization to see if the Days of Y’Orr staff could each get a day with the Cup. Source believed that Days of Y’Orr was an integral part of the Bruins cup run, starting with Unfinished Business back in September and continuing throughout the season. Source also stated that Tim Thomas printed out a picture of Top Gun Timmy and hung it in his locker, looked at it three times a day and would order mini sliders for it when they had cheeseburgers.

The plans between the Boston Bruins organization and our organization were underway. Before any of the players were allowed to take it, Days of Y’Orr was given first crack at it. Now, a lot of people are probably wondering why…well:

1. Boston was afraid Chara would bring it home and it would never come back to the US
2. Boston was afraid Andrew Ference would damage the inside of the bowl due to smoking hemp out of it
3. Boston was afraid the glare off of it would cause Marc Savard to drop it down the stairs
4. Johnny Boychuk’s lustrious blue eyes would melt it
5. In his old age, Mark Recchi would put it down and forget where it was

Due to these concerns, we were allowed to get it first. So I shall recant for you, our wonderful readers, our day with the Stanley Cup.

I arrived at the Days of Y’Orr headquarters around 8am. Justin, Robb and Patrice were already there and we were waiting on Jon, who is perpetually late. We started to discuss our plans with the Cup when Jon came busting through the door like HQ was on fire. It startled us a bit, but he just started stammering.

“Cup. Outside. Stanley. Here.” and was pointing to the door. A loud knock echoed throughout HQ as the five of us ran to the door. We opened the door and standing in front of us was the ugliest little man we’ve ever seen. Pizz leaned back and whispered into Justin’s ear.

“Ugly little spud isn’t he?”
“I think he can hear you, Pizz.”

The little troll like creature looked up at us and opened his mouth. Words began to flow through his baked bean looking teeth.

“You want precious?” He said as Patrice walked up to him and they got eye to eye. A few seconds later, Patrice turned to me and nodded his head.

“Yes. Give it here!” I yelled as a Tommy Lee Jones from Men In Black look alike got out of a black Escalade and brought the Stanley Cup to us.

“Take care of precious!” The little thing hissed as Jon slammed the door in his face.

We looked at the Cup in all of it’s silver glory. The shine coming off of the Cup could melt our polar ice caps. Hell, it could melt our box of Snow Caps that Patrice is so found of. We looked at it, in awe, with no real idea of what to do first. All of a sudden it hit me. I grabbed the cup and ran upstairs as the other four followed me. I headed to the kitchen and grabbed a box of Honey Nut Cheerios and poured it into the bowl of the Cup. I then proceeded to dump some milk into it and threw Justin, Pizz and Jon some beer.

We proceeded to stuff our faces with chrome polish, milk and Cheerios. It was, literally, a breakfast of champions.

We finished breakfst and let Patrice lick the milk out of the bowl of the Cup. Jon jumped into the shower and brought the Cup with him. Because I wish to remain on the Bloguin network, I’ll let you fill in the blanks. While Jon was in the shower, Justin and Pizz began to plan the party. We decided to have five thousand of our closest friends and family (or strangers, we don’t care), celebrate this win with us. While they were making the calls and writing the tweets, I was outside in the pool blowing up the inflatable beer pong table. Nothing is classier than beer pong in a pool.

Everything seemed to be in place for one hell of a rocker. The strippers were attaching their boobie tassles, the poker tables were set up, the cock fighting arena was constructed and an influx of people flowing through the door like a Tyler Seguin shirtless pictures on the Internet. The rest of the night got a little blurry, but here are the pictures we found on the camera.