After watching that debacle on Monday night most of us are ready to write off the 2016 Saints. And once again, for the second straight year, we’re left hopeless with still more than 80% of the season left. This team has been good at finding new ways to mortally wound itself each week and that’s the mark of a bad team. I think we all know how this ends. Best case, the Saints will rally and finish an improbable 7-9. Worst case, they suffer more injuries, start to give up (less likely under Sean Payton) and we’re looking at the 1st overall pick. The likely final destination is somewhere in the middle and the only clear symptom while getting there is more pain. So what can we do to relieve said symptom? Well, I’ve been a diehard fan practically since the day I was born in 1980. I’ve seen some really bad Saints teams. I wasn’t around for the late 60s and 70s, but growing up a third generation Saints fan there was plenty of reminder every Sunday of what to expect from years of suffering. I personally suffered through the end of Mora, the entirety of Ditka and the Katrina season to name a few. Those seasons had a mix of promise crushed by disappointment and complete utter failure. At this point we’re looking at the latter and it’s a grind to get through. The good news is I am experienced and I am here to help. Think of this as your written form oxycodone. Here’s the 10 step program to less pain:
1. Cap money is on the way!
Mickey Loomis will go into free agency 2017 with $30 million in cap space. Maybe more once they lay waste to that Byrd contract. Maybe more if they extend Brees again. I hear you already “but Juge I’m oh so scared of how Mickey will spend it…”. I’m scared too. But go spend your time on franchise mode figuring out the best free agents. Watch the games on Sunday looking for guys in a contract year the Saints could add. Look at 2017 free agents. Loomis is going on a spending binge whether you like it or not. 2017 is probably going to be an all or nothing year so it’ll either right the ship or implode in their faces. Maybe, just maybe, they will finally find the guys to fix this defense!
2. Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis are probably not going anywhere soon and they know better than you.
You can call for their heads if you want, but for better or for worse we’re stuck with these guys. Maybe Payton exits after Brees exits in 2017 (at the earliest). I totally get that you’re mad at Payton for imperfect play calling (every fan of every offensive co-ordinator EVER feels this way) and that you’ve completely lost confidence in Loomis being able to give out the right contracts and draft the right guys. But I just don’t see Tom Benson firing Loomis. Trust is huge for uncle Tom. So you can spend energy trashing Loomis/Payton (totally deserved) or you can spend energy rooting for the product on the field and supporting them. Or a mix of both. Just be realistic about what we’re in bed with. I recommend picking your battles on criticism as opposed to constantly calling for everything to be burned to the ground. You’ll annoy people going that route. If a Super Bowl winning GM and coach can’t figure out how to fix this defense, neither can you. Expect everyone to think they know better than Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis. Expect them to be vocal in sharing their opinions. It’s ok to share yours too. The reality is they don’t know. And yes, maybe some calls they make would be better than what’s been made. But the vast majority would be worse. Much worse. So accept that while the guys in place are failing, they’re trying to fix things. Either they do, or they don’t and maybe eventually they get fired down the road.
3. Cherish every single win.
We can root for losses at the end of the season. But I’ve always said draft slot rooting is for suckers. The draft promises nothing. One guy changes the outlook of an entire football team maybe once every ten years. Otherwise, there’s a bunch of guys that can help and a bunch of trap players. I would much prefer to pick 14th and have a solid draft in rounds 1-7 (with 3 or 4 hits) than drafting Reggie Bush 2nd overall with a bunch of trash behind him. The Saints drafted great players behind Bush so that’s a bad example but you get my point. Football is entertainment and wins give us all an amazing feeling. Try to rid yourself of the hate and anguish you feel at a lost season when a win comes if only temporarily. In those rare moments where the team succeeds, allow yourself to be happy and forget everything else. If you immediately go back to “yeah well too little too late this team sucks” you’re going to flame out early. They are 0-3 and we’re already ready to burn it to the ground with 13 games to go. The Saints aren’t going to the playoffs. I know there’s a lot of residual expectations when it comes to Payton and Brees because of the absurdly awesome standard they’ve set, but that standard has come and gone. The current reality is they are 0-3 and they look like a team picking in the top 5. So when wins do come, don’t be so spoiled and resentful that you can’t enjoy it. Re-gauge your expectations for this team, because they’re bad. Like the team, as fans, we have to go week to week now. Live in the moment. It’s ok to be angry when they lose. It’s ok to demand change. Just don’t let that be the singular focus getting in the way of the enjoyment of few and fleeting wins. Basically wins in a season like this should count as two in the minds of diehard fans.
4. Revel in the misery of others.
This one is pretty dark and twisted. Schadenfreude is playing in the background. But this is about your own survival and enjoyment. The great thing about sports is at the end only one team truly wins. Only one fan base gets complete satisfaction. There will be pain for Cam Newton and his Panthers fans. There will be pain for Matt Ryan and the Falcons. God I hate them. Those insufferable Seahawks fans will inevitably complain when every single call doesn’t go their way. Those are always fun moments but you have to lean on them even more when your team is struggling. Misery loves company, so welcome their misfortune with open arms.
5. Don’t root for draft picks. At least not yet.
Way too early for that. If you start diving into draft prospects now you’ll over educate yourself. You’ll fall in love with someone and be that annoying guy talking about how some dude from Florida State fixes the defense (I promise you he won’t on his own) only for him to run a 4.78 40 at the combine which makes you eventually look like an idiot. Or worse, you’ll lament that the Colts selected him right before he tears his ACL in week 2 and never plays again. I tend to be a jerk to guys like that and if I catch you doing it I will favorite your tweets and then remind you on draft day how wrong you were. I’m petty like that.
6. Diversify your portfolio
It’s important when making investments not to put all your eggs in one basket. With a diversified portfolio – if one business venture collapses, you’re braced for the impact. However, if you’re all in with the Saints and they are terrible, then you’re figuratively bankrupt in terms of interests in the fall. I’m not saying you should stop caring or that you should give up. But I do think other interests take the sting out of what will likely be many more unbelievably frustrating performances. Are you that guy that always kinda liked the Premiere League but is struggling to find a team you like? Figure that out. Ralph Malbrough likes one of those terrible teams – he can give you some tips. Did you always kind of hate baseball? Maybe try going to a couple Zephyrs games and fake interest. Are your kids playing sports? Reluctantly accept to coach and maybe you’ll bask in the glory of parents telling you how great you are. Give 20 more minutes a day to your fantasy football team. Come up with a weird scoring system with your buddies at work where every Saints interception goes towards one of you streaking the halls naked. I don’t know. Come up with something. Get creative. Start a twitter account that mocks Jeff Duncan. Whatever. Just figure out a way to amuse yourself. Which bring me to…
7. The Jokes.
Ahhhhh. The jokes. Good, bad or indifferent, there’s always the jokes. And the jokes get us through, my friend. In good times or bad, the jokes are there to comfort us. To make us laugh. So talk about how Brandon Browner could fix this defense. Think about Junior Galette standing as a civilian on the sidelines with a belt and how it would be a more intimidating strategy than putting the Saints defense on the field. Remind yourself that the Saints once traded for Olindo Mare when Wil Lutz misses another kick. Demand that Garrett Grayson legally change his name to Billie Joe. Ask yourself who might win the annual Mike Bell Award for Saints most hated player by Sean Payton. Ponder how many more injuries at cornerback it will take before the Saints roll out Mike McKenzie and Toi Cook in their current state as starters. Demand that Andy Tanner be cut one more time before the Payton era ends. Start a petition to have Jim Mora Sr. do all post game press conferences instead of Sean Payton.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn99zFRqyDk] [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FsCkPkLgOM]
The world is a dark place and the jokes help us forget that.
8. Alcohol
Enough said. But remember to drink responsibly. People fear the angry drunk guy that breaks stuff. Don’t be that guy. You need to be able to see the losing coming.
9. “I’m going for stats”.
I used to play seasons on Madden with my dad, and Tecmo Bowl before that. Whenever there was a blowout (either winning or losing), my dad would always say “screw it Drew, I’m going for stats”. He would reach that point in the video game where the outcome was decided and it was more about inflating his preferred individual player’s totals. This usually meant throwing bombs to Eric Martin every play. When I took the Saints he’d usually take the Bills and throw bombs to “Lofty” (James Lofton). The great thing about video games is you can completely disrespect your opponent by throwing Hail Marys up 50, then going for 2, and there’s no media shaming. We’re all stat geeks and we love to see records get broken. So let’s go for stats. Whether it’s Ingram going for 1k, Brees throwing for 6k, Lutz attempting a 65 yarder… I’m game. Let’s care less about the end result and more about the stats baby! That can give purpose and meaning to a dismal season. Hey, we already saw this 0-3 team break a Saints record with a 98 yard TD! That was fun, right?
10. Remember this is the price you pay for the ultimate reward that is winning.
Patriot fans have no idea what I’m talking about. Most of them, anyway. I remember the Pats being the worst team in football at 1-15 in 1990. A lot of you people reading this have never suffered through a season worse than 7-9 because you jumped on board in 2006. And you may be ready to jump ship because you didn’t sign up for this. Losing is painful. But wear it like a badge of honor. Because one day, the Saints are going to win a freaking Super Bowl and unlike all the fans that jumped on the bandwagon and came around for the success – you stuck through the dark times and came out alive on the other side. There’s probably a Katrina metaphor somewhere in there. Impossible, you say? It happened in my lifetime. But anyway, the satisfaction you get from sticking with your team when things sucked when they eventually win is like no other sports experience ever. You take mental note of all the doubters and haters over the years and it’s a beautiful day of reckoning. You’re a Saints fan through thick and thin. Don’t let this derail you. Now I offer no promises. Things could be better next year, or it could be 25 years before we see another playoff berth. No one knows for sure. We don’t know what the football gods have in store for us in terms of suffering in the near future. But I can promise you the next time the Saints make the playoffs it will mean more to you than that bs casual football fan that rooted for the Cowboys in the 90s even though he was from New Orleans. Screw that guy. He probably loved the Miami Heat and Golden State Warriors separately within the last three years. That guy sucks.
Feel better? Good. Now back to your previously scheduled programming of losing. And feel free to share other coping mechanisms in the comments section below!
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