Guys on Ice: Bones A-breaking

***Welcome to the Offcial Chatrroom of the New York Islanders!***

RickyD: Mr. Snow, I can talk to you about anything related to my career, right?
Garth_Vader: Sure, Ricky, that’s what I’m for.
RickyD: Well, I went onto the Internet, and I found a site called WebMD. They have this thing called a “symptom checker” where you can put in what you’re feeling, like a runny nose or whatever, and it will tell you what you might have.
Garth_Vader: Sure, I’ve heard of that.
RickyD: It turns out…I have it all.
Garth_Vader:…What do you mean?
RickyD: I have every disease, malady, and injury known to mankind. Well, except I might not be pregnant…then again, I can’t remember when I my last period, so even that’s not totally ruled out. Here’s the printout.

Garth_Vader: Ok, let me just look this over a bit…
Garth_Vader: YOU DO NOT HAVE OVARIAN CANCER.
RickyD: I dunno, I think my ovarians are hurtin’ pretty bad.
Garth_Vader: Look, I know some people, and I can pull a few strings…I have somewhere I want you to go, since it’s not like we have to worry about playoffs or anything.
RickyD: Look, I’m willing to try anything to cure my lupus—
Garth_Vader: It’s never lupus.
RickyD: –maybe it’s MS. Or ricin poisoning.
***Welcome to Toronto’s Centre for the Feeble-Boned!***
CocoPuffs: Hi Nurse Pat!
Nurse_Pat: Mr. Colaiacovo, it’s so good to see you again! I mean, not because you’re still hurt, but…
CocoPuffs: It’s ok, Nurse Pat. Where’s Mike?
Nurse_Pat: Mr. Van Ryn is taking a nap in his iron lung.
CocoPuffs: He’s been in there for about 3 days. Don’t most people call that a coma?
Nurse_Pat: Normally, we would, but given the subject…it’s a bit hard to tell.
RickyD: …Am I in the right place?
Nurse_Pat: Are you Mr. Rick DiPietro?
RickyD: Rick’s fine.
Nurse_Pat: In that case, welcome to the Fragile Bones Centre.
RickyD: Uh, thanks…
Nurse_Pat: Hold on…it looks like Mike is waking up!
VanRynDownBytheRiver: So tired…and thirsty…
Nurse_Pat: How are you feeling, Mike?
CocoPuffs: Are you ok, Mike?
RickyD: Gah, I feel so bad for him. I thought I had it bad.
VanRynDownBytheRiver: Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m gonna grow up and be a defenseman in the NHL.
CocoPuffs: You already are a defenseman in the NHL, Mike.  Sure, you’ve been too injured to do a lot this year, but you have been in the NHL.
VanRynDownBytheRiver: I’m gonna be big and strong one day!
Nurse_Pat: Now, you can’t over-exert yourself too much, Mike. You have to take it one step at a time.
VanRynDownBytheRiver: I’m gonna score 50 goals and win three Stanley cups!
CocoPuffs: He’s such a trooper.
RickyD: I know, I’m getting a bit misty-eyed here.
CocoPuffs: Yeah, stupid, uh, dusty room.
RickyD: /wipes eyes
RickyD: Ah, crap, I think I just broke my finger and dislocated my retina.
CocoPuffs: I think I broke my nose wiping it after I sneezed earlier.
Nurse_Pat: /sigh
Nurse_Pat: I’ll get the gauze.