***Welcome to NHL’s Got Talent!***
Docks_Appaloosa: Ok, let’s get this trainwreck started…
Hassled_Off: BOOBS! Cheesburgers!
***Price_Check has entered the chatroom***
Docks_Appaloosa: Ok, can you tell us your name and what you’re going to do for us today?
Price_check: My name is Carey and I’m gonna smoke an entire pack of cigarettes at once.
Docks_Appalosa: Can you do anything else Carey?
Price_Check: uhh….I can cry on command.
Hassled_Off: Really? Go.
***Price_Check has started bawling their eyes out***
Docks_Appaloosa: OK, we’ve seen enough. You should go now.
Price_Check: L8r, r-tards. Imma pwn sum n00bs on WoW.
***Price_check has left the chatroom***
***Emery_bored has entered the chat room***
Hasseled_Off: So, what are you gonna do for us today?
Emery_Bored: I’m Ray Emery, bitch. Imma smash plates on my head and eat dis live rat.
Emery_Bored: /smashes 12 china plates on his head
Emery_bored: /eats live rat
PintOfBriere: Simple Plan! OH no! Has anyone seen Simple Plan?
Miller_Time: Yeah, they suck live. Actually they suck pre-recorded, too.
PintOfBriere: NO, not the band Simple Plan–my pet rat Simple Plan. He’s all black, with a little bit of hair covering his left eye…
Emery_Bored: He was delicious.
PintOfBriere: …
PintOfBriere: …
PintOfBriere: …
PintOfBriere: HOW COULD YOU?!
Docks_Appaloosa: Dear God, I hope we don’t have that many more to sit through
***Miller_time has entered the stage***
Miller_Time: ‘Sup folks, and Welcome to Ryan Miller’s Def Comedy Jam powered by AMP!
Miller_time: /shotguns can of AMP
Miller_time: Man, what a sorry bucnh of suckres out here tonight. Like you, Piers. Yo momma’s so uptight, she can crush walnuts with her ass cheeks!
Docks_appaloosa: But you’ve never even met my mother! How dare you!
Miller_time: And Hoff, man, yo momma’s so stupid she makes you look smart!Hassled_off: Hurr hurr hurr, my momma sure is dumb.
PintOfBriere: Ryan, why do you keep making fun of people’s moms? That commercial was like, two years ago.
Miller_Time: Well Danny, I guess you could say I’m a sad and lonely man…But not as sad and lonely as yo momma! She so short, she can hang glide off a Dorito! At least she ain’t as bad as Emery’s momma, though. Emery’s momma is so black, when she go to night school, teacher marks her absent!
Emery_Bored: Don’t start with me, Miller! Imma knock your lazy eye back into it’s socket!
Miller_Time: That’s not a lazy eye–
Hassled_off: Forget it, get off the stage. Briere, come on up.
***PintOfBriere has entered the stage***
Docks_Appaloosa: OK, What are your doing today?
PintOfBriere: I write poetry.
Hassled_Off: What kinda things do you write about?
PintOfBriere: Anger, pain, fear, agression…and old girlfriends.
PintOfBriere: Ahem:
The darkness of the world falls upon my soul,
dragging it ever farther down
like a sack of
drowning kittens falling into a river’s water.
I wonder if we humans,
mere bald monkeys with pants
are anything more
than celestial playthings for the cosmos.
A buzz brings me from my contemplations.
It’s Jenny, texting “Wat R
U doin 2nite?”
I reply “Dunno. mebbe laundry.”
I realize then that I am just another loser at Starbucks, with too much
free time and a notebook.
Docks_Appaloosa: OK, That’s IT! I can’t take this any more!
***Docks_Appaloosa has shot himself in the face***
Hassled_off: Now THERE is an act I’d pay to see!
(glove tap to MYFO for starting the Briere as emo trend)
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