Henderson Can’t Wait to Put Someone on Injured Reserve

After only getting to play in four games last season with the Vikings, middle linebacker EJ Henderson has been chomping at the bit to get back into football action, hitting, tackling, and physically abusing people. Today, he talks about his excitement for the upcoming football season…

EJ goes beast mode on Laserface
EJ goes beast mode on Laserface

“I’m really looking forward to getting back. It’s been seven long months already since I had any real pads on, was in the real action, knocking heads around and attempting to break ankles. I’ve never really had a serious injury like this before, or even what I thought was a minor one, in dislocating my toes. In the long run I knew it was best for me to sit out and rehab, make sure that when I played again that I would be playing at one hundred percent and not do long term damage to my future. I feel that was now, that I am ready to go, both physically and mentally. It’s just been hard because you get that itch to go out and tackle someone, but all I could do was stand on the side lines and watch my team win the division title and get into the playoffs. It was exciting, but frustrating, because I couldn’t be playing with them.

But I am ready to go out there and put someone on injured reserve now.

I’ll be honest; I’ve been rehabbing the hell out of my body. I’ve done all the right exercises, have been eating healthy and hitting the weight room to keep my body in shape. But none of that really replaces the feel of running full boar at some earring wearing scat back, flying through the air like a run away freight train, and hearing the small breath of anguish that escapes his lips as his body momentarily loses control of itself and crumples to the ground in a heap of human waste. To stand over that defeated warrior and know in your mind of minds that you caused that person to reflexively lose their bowels is amazing. It’s a rush that I’ve missed over these past seven months and one that I’m excited to get back.

Sure, I’ve been at the OTAs, and I am even looking forward to training camp. It’ll be a fantastic opportunity to get back with the guys, kind of get my game-day feet under me a bit, as we go through drills and find a comfort level at which we can play with each other. But we are understandably limited to who we can hit, and how hard. I don’t want that restraint anymore. I feel like I’ve been restrained for seven months. I want to freely burst through the offensive line and feel the fear bubbling off of the center as he realizes his quarterback is about to become a fleshy stool sample in the backfield. I was to see the quarterbacks’ pupils dilate so large that he looks like Zac Efron, and then hear his brittle bones pop and crack like his fresh meat was just thrown into a burning pan of oil. I want to hear his death scream. I’ve only heard pleasant sounds for so long, I’ve almost forgotten what that sweet call to Purple Jesus sounds like.

Just as I remember it
Just as I remember it

I swear, I’ve been counting down the days. And I already know that I am just going to relish the first moment I have when I see those lights from the ambulance come out from the stadium tunnel to pick up the bleeding carcass from my playing field. I won’t be truly satisfied though, and know that I’ve truly returned to the game, until I see the macabre mess of the defeated player lifted onto the stretcher. And as thousands of fans anticipate thumbs up or a wave to signal that their favorite player is ok, all they will be rewarded with is a comatose shell that once housed a human soul. At that moment I will allow a small grin to crease my lips, and I will truly welcome myself back to the glory of football.

In the meantime, my daughter was recently born, and she is just adorable!”

Arrow to top