The Detroit Red Wings play the Anaheim (Mighty) Ducks at the Honda Center in Anaheim tonight at 10:30 pm EST in game 4 of their Western Conference semi-final series. As most of you know by now, referee Brad Watson cost the Red Wings the overtime period that was owed them in game 3 when Marian Hossa scored to tie the game at 2-2 with 1:03 left, only to have the goal disallowed because Watson was premature.
But I’m not here to bash Mr. Watson. Being premature is embarrassing. It’s depressing. And it’s messy. Brad needs our help, not our scorn. So I’m going to offer Quick Draw McGraw some tips on how to overcome his “little problem”:
1) Distract yourself. When I’m feeling a little “susceptible”, I like to recount the 1984 World Series Champion Detroit Tigers lineup in my head. If I only need a little distraction, I’ll simply go through by names: Lou Whitaker, Alan Trammell, Kirk Gibson, Lance Parrish, etc. If the situation calls for it, I might throw in their jersey number and position. This works most of the time, but every once in a great while, I have to take more drastic measures, and picture the women from the Golden Girls in their wrinkly birthday suits, one by one. Dorothy, come on in. Okay, now you Rose. Blanche, don’t be shy. Sophia, uh, actually, Sophia, could you wait outside? I think I’ve got this under control, thanks.
2) Ease up the grip on your whistle. Sometimes less is better.
3) Have more confidence. You’re an NHL referee, okay? The fans like you, the players like you, and the coaches like you, Brad. Everyone appreciates the job you’re doing on the ice. Sure, you often fall well short of expectations, but you always give it your best, and that’s what counts.
4) Don’t stress about your crappy performance last game. Every game is another chance to prove yourself.
5) One word: kegels.
You’ll get through this, Brad. For one, you’re very “sensitive”, which some would say is a plus. Just stay away from open windows, okay?
Go Wings!!!
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