Hockey Players are mysteriously sexy.

Pictured at left is Amy McCarthy, sister of Jenny McCarthy and wife of mediocre NHLer Dan Hinote. How did this happen? Why does this continue to happen? Elisha Cuthbert, Candace Cameron, Kristi Yamaguchi, Hilary Duff and now Amy McCarthy have been lured into the seductive prowess of mediocre hockey players. How? Why?

Let me introduce to you the Ladder Theory. There’s a lot to the ladder theory, and there is a lot to disagree with. We’re going to discuss one part that is seemingly proved by this strange wave of guys with no teeth+outrageously hot girls.

Never mind the “money” part. That’s a stereotype I’m sure (but would explain why I’m single). Hockey players are that “novelty” category because, well hockey players are a strange breed. First, they are predominantly foreign, be it from Canada, the Czech Republic or South Africa. Secondly, like I said, if you’ve ever spent any time around a large group of hockey players, you know that they are a completely different society. In school, the hockey players tend to be in their own cliques. In the real world, they are among the only people that wear mullets unironically. Another place like this is the deep south, which explains why Barry Melrose finds himself in Tampa.

I hope this brief theory helps to explain why Sean Bergenheim has a much better shot at Megan Fox than you ever will. That’s it for me today and this week. Feel free to stop by the Victoria Times any time for more of me.