As you may have noticed this offseason while scouring for any type of football news that may give your goose bumps instead of forcing suicide with baseball news, the Minnesota Vikings have repeatedly said that they were willing to play nonchalant, sit on their thumbs, and wait for a certain 41-yeard-old-to-be quarterback to make up his mind about whether or not he may want to play again next year. This individual has a history of being noncommittal about upcoming seasons, especially in his golden years, that the Vikings have taken a unique approach and are letting this graying fox call the shots in regards to their quarterback position.
Now, as much as I wish Brett Favre would suffer third degree burns all over his body to the point that his entire epidermis would slough off his body only to reveal a Terminator skeleton, I’m not stubborn or stupid enough to acknowledge that the Vikings wouldn’t have been horse shit without him last year. He pretty much made the team, and that’s fine, but he’s not a long term option. For playing with the devil we ended up getting what we did in the end, a righteous fisting into our intestines. Assuming that Favre can come back and perform similarly is not out of this world, but at some point the Vikings do have to establish a plan for more than two years at quarterback.
Which is were Donovan McNabb all of a sudden brings this ship crashing down.
You may have seen today that McNabb recently told some reporter that probably hates him anyway that his top trade partner would be with the Vikings. Sure, makes sense. The Vikings run pretty much the exact same offense, except maybe more run heavy, but with all the terminology the same. He’s familiar with the coaching staff as Childress brought him up from a wee nothing to a quarterback who knows how to vomit on the field. He’s 33, which puts him the upper tier of age for SOME quarterbacks, so you can expect that he won’t be running around as much as his sprite young legs use to have him do so, but he has been developing more of a pocket presence recently that should negate his need to do that. Sure, he’s as fragile as some blue balls but when healthy McNabb is pretty stellar.
So cool, let’s trade for him, right? Yes, McNabb has his problems. He doesn’t understand overtime rules, he dances like a douchebag, he’s softer than my choad, and he’s known as a choker. In games not the bed room. But McNabb is also younger, works great in the West Coast Kick Ass Offense, provides longer term stability at the QB spot, and for all intents and purposes for the Vikings probably plays the position just as effective as Favre could. He’s probably cheaper too! I’ll consider it an upgrade. So fire up that Madden video game, cut Favre with minimal salary cap hit, offer the Eagles some low ball offer of Ray Edwards and a third round pick, get McNabb and Desean Jackson from the Eagles and call it a day. Vikings, bitch!
Of course, in real life shit doesn’t work like this. The Eagles would most certainly require the Vikings first round pick (they’re allegedly looking for one in the top 42 or something and that’s all the Vikings got) and to hell if I would be giving up a first rounder for a QB that would just ralf all over my training facility. That, and when was the last time you ever heard a player come out and say they wanted to be traded to the Vikings or play with us somehow and actually end up here? Favre, maybe? That took two years though. Whatever. Either way, McNabb won’t be coming here.
The problem is that the Vikings painted themselves into a corner. In trying to appease the attention whore they pretty much handcuffed their selves to the bed at the quarterback position. That graying fuck is going to make $12 million this year if he plays for us. Obviously, there’s no way you can trade a first round pick and player to the Eagles for McNabb, pay him like eight or ten million or whatever he makes, and have that much money tied into the QB spot, right? I mean, you could just tell the Land Baron to stay at home, we don’t want you anymore, but remember how that worked out with Green Bay? Fuck. Who would have known they actually did something smart in getting rid of him?
Also, could you imagine the reaction from Vikings fans? Let’s not gloss over things here; I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there is a pretty strong percentage of Vikings fans that are working through some strong, latent racism. Sure, that’s a blanket statement and people obviously would, and should, take offense to that, but then how else do you explain them running Culpepper and Jackson out of the QB spot and sucking Favre’s nuts as he intercepted a Super Bowl away? This is a separate topic that could take on a whole lot of anger mail, but just consider this when people are talking about cutting Favre and bringing in someone like McNabb. Just call me Stephen A. Smith for this paragraph.
So the Vikings are fucked. Really, I would rather see them bring McNabb in. Favre has to die sometime, and this team is built for a nice run with Peterson if they can have a QB who doesn’t jump pass supporting him. I’d say if they had a younger, more established QB that this team could run for a good four or five years at championships. With Favre, you get one more shot and then you’re onto another QB search and that window is closed. McNabb stretches that window out and he also doesn’t make me want to fucking kill myself for signing a deal with the devil. Of course, that’s because I haven’t had to root for him this whole time, as inevitably when I have a player on my team of choice I end up hating them all. It happens. Even Purp … Adrian Peterson.
But all of this is for not. Favre has this team by the balls and will prevent an established quarterback from being traded to this team. If it somehow miraculously happened, I would play catcher for the Vikings front office because they would have shattered all my preconceptions about their willingness to go Belichek on someone. But I’m not too worried about it.
So? Do you hate McNabb or are you just mad I called you a racist? Put it in the comments.
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