Good morning and Happy Hump Day, Cougs! We are now T-minus one week from Signing Day 2012, which means we are T-minus eight days away from once again becoming functional members of society. I know that recruiting is at the forefront of everyone’s minds and being a man of the people that’s exactly what I’ll talk about today. The WSU Recruiting Class of 2012 is starting to look something like the finished product it will be so it’s high time to take a good look at the group of commitments with the hard hitting analysis (read: none) that you can only find on This Here Blog (read: because I’m “special”). I am thrilled that today’s post marks the debut of the Bridgeport Pumped-O-Meter to rate every one of our current verbal commitments. What is the Bridgeport Pumped-O-Meter, you ask? There’s only one way to find out my friends. My saddle’s waiting. Come on and jump on it…
For the last several years, I’ve been painstakingly developing a system of evaluating recruits in the most superficial ways possible (names, pictures, haircuts, virtually anything not having to do with actual talent) to arrive at a conclusion as to whether or not I’m pumped about a particular player. The downside of that system was that it would result in future Cougs about whom I was “not pumped”. This is not a good outcome since I am/want to be pumped about every single player who pledges his football future to the Cougs. With some tweaking to the system and a little help from our sponsor, I’ve created the Bridgeport Pumped-O-Meter, which combines my absurd criteria into a Pumped Score, measured on a scale of 1-10. Mind boggling, I know. I am pumped about all these future Cougs, but now you’ll know exactly how pumped, courtesty of my totally arbitrary number system. Let’s take a look at the list of commitments as it stands today:
David Bucannon – S, Fairfield, CA
Bridgeport Pumped-O-Meter Score: 7
You had me at Bucannon, you had me at Bucannon. Deone’s baby bro wants to come to Wazzu? And he committed way back on April 16, 2011? Yeah, I’m pumped. The Pumped-O-Meter (heretofore known as the POM) did take away some points since David’s listed wait of 180 lbs seems to be awfully generous. Three words for you, my friend: Cougar Super Basket.
Austin Apodaca – QB, Longmont, CO
Bridgeport POM Score: 8
Apodaca is super fun to say! Apodaca, knick-knack paddy wacka, Fozzy Bear says, “Wocka Wocka Wocka”…Hey! I think I just wrote an LFO song. Anyway, you get the idea. Also, Austin is going to throw for something like a gazillion yards in the Air Raid. Also, also, he’s the state player of the year in Colorado and Cyler Miles is not.
Taylor Taliulu, S – Aiea, HI
Bridgeport POM Score: 6
Obviously Mr. Taliulu scores well in the “name” and “Hawaiian” categories, but beyond that there just isn’t a ton that jumps out at me. On the bright side, this slight will be just the motivation he needs to arrive in Pullman with a chip on his shoulder. I imagine he’ll have a picture of my dopey face in his locker to remind him everyday of being disrespected. Or not.
BJ Salmonson – OT, Everson, WA
Bridgeport POM Score: 7
This one is pretty simple. I’ve spent a significant portion of the last decade in Bellingham. BJ is from Everson. My friend Rhonda is a bartender at Bobby Lee’s in Everson. I’ve had the seafood buffet at the Nooksack Casino. The POM strongly rewards loose affiliations to people.
Sam Flor – OT, Seattle, WA
Bridgeport POM Score: 6
Hey, Sam. You’re welcome for choosing the extreme close-up picture for this post. No problem, pal. I very much like that Sam is from O’Dea, but unfortunately little else registered big points for Sam. Moderately pumped, but still pumped!
Denzell Dotson – OG, Glendale, AZ
Bridgeport POM Score: 9
Afraid to say anything that could be construed as remotely negative regarding Mr. Dotson. Also, remember that time that Denzel Washington didn’t deliver with a performance? Me neither. Denzell points!
Eduardo Middleton – OT, Oceanside, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 8
He won a trophy! It’s shaped like a state! I’ve certainly never done that so I imagine it’s quite an achievement.
Pierson Villarrubia – OT, Mandeville, LA
Bridgeport POM Score: 5
You’d think we’d see some big points in the name category here, but I’ve gotta be honest. I get a little flustered when it comes time to pronounce Villarrubia. Are we going with vee-ya-rubia or vil-la-rubia? I don’t like taxing my brain and neither does the Pumped-O-Meter.
Jacob Tuivaiave – OLB, Tacoma, WA
Bridgeport POM Score: 9
You’re seeing the hair, right? This isn’t hard, folks.
Theron West – RB, Wilmington, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 8
Cool name, cool action shot. These are things that get me pumped. What takes it over the top? Doing a Google Image Search of “Theron West” and getting to see Charlize Theron. I love the internet. If Theron was just a touch bigger, we might have seen our first 10.
Keith Ewing – DE/LB, Bellaire, TX
Bridgeport POM Score: 7
Keith gets one point for being the first Mike Leach recruit in the class and another for sitting on his thrown as the Prince of Bellaire.
Feddie Davey – Wrecking Ball, Miami, FL
Bridgeport POM Score: 9.5
I love this guy. I love his name, I love that his name is from Miami, I love that he’s from an absolute powerhouse in Miami and from what I can tell is 5’11” of pure piss and vinegar. Feddie is so cool.
Alex Jackson – WR, Culver City, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 8
See that picture? Alex Jackson looks like a Football Player. Note the use of capitalization in Football Player. I learned this from Mark Schlereth. If you’re going to say nothing at all, say it with conviction and it sounds like you’re saying a lot. Also, use an abundance of big words.
Khalil Pettway – OLB, Culver City, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 10
Oh snap! It’s a ten! A bleeping ten! Khalil might be my favorite commit in this class (so far). I have visions of this dude flying off the edge and smashing quarterbacks. These are good visions.
Mike Bowlin – K, Mission Viejo, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 8
My first inclination was to not be pumped about Mike because of that whole going to Oregon and having a run-in thing, but then I remembered a line from one of the greatest films in the history of cinema: “Putting on a Duck uniform doesn’t mean you’re a real Duck.” Yes, this line was intended as a disparaging remark to Adam Banks, but I’m using it in reverse here. Mike Bowlin was never a real Duck. He’s a Coug. Also, he has a reputation for kicking the pooh out of the football and we could use that.
Brett Bartolone – WR, La Habra, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 7
Small white guys just can’t make it as wide receivers in big time football.
Teondray Caldwell – RB, Los Angeles, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 9
I’ve convinced myself that Caldwell will be the Coug version of Taurean Henderson. You can tell me I’m wrong, but it won’t do you any good for another 4-5 years. Until such time, I’m definitely right.
Gabriel Marks – WR/CB, Los Angeles, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 10
I’m 98% sure that this picture of Gabe was taken immediately after Mike Leach offered him a scholarship. Look how happy he is! Look, I know stars and recruiting rankings and all that stuff don’t truly matter, but Marks is our highest rated recruit and I’m a giant sucker for these sort of things. In a superficial rating system, this gets you a 10.
Kache Palacio – OLB, Gardena, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 9.5
Cooler names than Kache Palacio: King Kong Bundy, Bridgeport Hop Czar….and, I think that’s it. Pac-12 quarterbacks will not enjoy getting to know the Law Firm of Palacio & Pettway when they run the ol’ “Meet me at the quarterback” play.
Robert Lewis – WR/RB, South Gate, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 8
If you are reading this and you are not Robert Lewis, then Robert Lewis is probably cooler than you. No offense intended. He’s just really cool, you know based on a handful of pictures and some articles about him. Robert will need to join David Bucannon in the weight room and Cougar Country Drive-In.
Niu Sale – OG, Wilmington, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 7
A reported offer from Auburn? And another one from Arkansas? Yeah, we can roll with that? Also awesome is that thanks to Lucas, a picture of Alec Baldwin now shows up if you search for Niu Sale. Have I mentioned that I love the internet?
Ioane Gauta – DT, Fullerton, CA
Bridgeport POM Score: 9
Until I hear an actual pronunciation, I’m calling him “Ian”. Anyway, my man Ian is 6’3.5”, 310 pounds and a defensive tackle well suited to play the nose tackle in a 3-4 defense. Also, he has awesome hair flowing out the back of his helmet. I almost had you with something that sounded like actual football analysis there, didn’t I?
So there you have it. I hope there are a few more names to add to this list before it’s all said and done. I’m talking to you, Kenny Lawler, Cedric Dozier, Jaydon Mickens, Jake Eldrenkamp and Alphonso Marsh. Go Cougs.
Add The Sports Daily to your Google News Feed!
