I Hate Every Last One of You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXSApRHFC2s

With another hat tip to some Packers blog (I’m honestly surprised every time that they know how to write blog posts, let along embed a digital video!), today we bring you reason number 783 why I hate all of you Vikings fans who so quickly turned around to work the shaft and cup the balls of Brett Favre like the true sex-for-money whores that you are. Apparently this video knows best when they said (paraphrasing) that Brett Favre can satisfy all of your needs.

But this isn’t all …

A contingent of you 3X size wearing Favre jersey lovers had to decide to try to go down to Hattiestburg, Mississippi this week in order to … do what? Give Favre a back rub while you whisper 2009 stats into his ear before you tongue it? Act as his coffee table while only wearing a French maid’s outfit? Dress up in a Donald Driver shirt and talk dirty to Favre all night this week by saying “I’ll catch all your balls, Brett”? You stupid bastards. I hate every one of you, STILL. He won’t even be there. He’ll be at the ESPY’s telling Deanna that he’ll accept the ESPY trophy, after she blows him, of course.

At this point I cannot find any reason to still put this pussy on a pedestal and anoint him some kind of Purple Messiah. That shit is blasphemous. “Hey, idiot, did you not notice that he took our team single handily to the NFC Championship Game and that we’d be shit without him?” Really? I didn’t watch a single game last year apparently. However, I don’t see how any of this fucking matters. Begrudgingly acknowledging a player playing well is slightly different than agreeing to wear his favorite panties during a sleep over. And for the record, the vast majority are in that latter category, AND YOU SHOULD STOP IT.

Besides, even if these fans do show up and Favre happens to have returned from the ESPY’s on Wednesday, what makes you think he won’t run away from them super fast like the reporters? Well, fast for a man that refuses to run on third and shorts with 20 free yards around him in the fourth quarter. But you get my meaning. I’m almost ready to find a term to coin similar to Twilight Moms, but for grown ass men weeping over Brett Favre. Favre Daddies? Brett’s Boys? Erect for Brett? Two Balls One Favre? I’d welcome your suggestions in the comments, and any information you can pass on about some idiot Vikings friend you have that is suckling the Favre teat still for some reason would go far in brightening my ever increasingly shitty days.