I Will be Crowning Nobody.

I don’t know why, but the NFL decided this was the week to give Minneapolis a slew of miserable teams. Four of the five games here in the Twin Cities featured teams with two or fewer wins this season. The crazy part was that two of those teams pulled off victories. Let’s recap, shall we?

As Denny Green said famously a couple weeks ago, the Bears are who we THOUGHT they were. What Green meant at the time, of course, was that the Bears are eminintly beatable, if you game plan them correctly. Interestingly, Green was beat by his special teams and an inexperienced quarterback, and his defense was good, basically the antithesis of a Denny Green team. Well, the ground work was laid. Don’t make mistakes on kickoffs and punts and use a quarterback who has at least played more than two games. The final ingredient is a dominant defensive end, which Jason Taylor was. If you knock Rex Grossman around a little bit, he’s much less formidable, and to do that, you need to come around the ends. I can’t name a better DE that the Bears have faced so far this season. Next week with Strahan and Umenyiora coming after Grossman, I don’t see how the Bears can win that game.

Let me just give you two blurbs about the Vikings regarding their game against the 49ers and there coming game against the Packers. First, as time expired Fox color man Tim Ryan had this to say, “The Vikings don’t have a big play threat. They need to get the ball down the field, but they can’t.” Now, Brad Johnson had this to say about the Packers. “The Packers play nine in the box and man to man on the receivers.” Basically what Brad was telling us, is that barring a quarterback change, the Vikings are losing next week.

The Broncos are getting better as Jake Plummer gets some thoughtless confidence and Tatum Bell is finding his legs. But enough about them. What about the Steelers? Lets find a quote about them somewhere. Oh! From some season preview. I found it here. The quote.

Pittsburgh Steelers – I will say it loud and clear, and you may reference this later in the season. THE PITTSBURGH STEELERS, DEFENDING CHAMPIONS, WILL MISS THE PLAYOFFS. Last season, they relied on good defense and surprise. The defense is still there. The element of surprise, however, is gone. Antwaan Randle El, purporter of all the Steelers’ trick plays last year, now resides in Washington, and defenses can key on Willie Parker without having to worry about Jerome Bettis barrelling downfield. And if the Steelers have to rely on Ben Roethlisberger passing the ball, they’re in a lot of trouble. I doubt he can interpret zone defenses on passing downs if he can’t pick out sedans on city streets.

Enough said. But boy is that guy a good writer, huh?

I’m not sure Peyton Manning’s win against the Patriots was a good thing, all said. It just increases pressure as the season goes on. Manning is a guy that could go for a good 11-5 season, rather than another 14-2 and the expectations that entails. But this was a different story all together than just the quarterbacks. The Indy defense got after Tom Brady and forced mistakes, while the Patriots felt the need to go to the air to keep up with the Colts, despite the fact that they had two reliable backs. The Patriots will be in trouble if Bill Belichek gameplans this poorly, opposing defenses attack Brady, and another team can pick apart the Patriots secondary. Also, I’d just like to note that the real difference between Brady and Manning is that Brady doesn’t screw up, unless he’s forced to, like last night, while Manning has the physical skills to get himself out of those situations. Not to mention, Manning is a much smarter QB, and really, it’s a lot easier to get in the head of someone who uses theirs.

The worst game in the history of national television* was played last night in Seattle. I couldn’t even watch it. There were only two bits I actually caught. The first was after the half, Suzy Kolber said that Art Shell was speechless. No kidding. He’s usually so wordy. Second, Mike Tirico said the knee that Tyler Brayton’s knee to Jerramy Stevens baby Seahawks was low on the scale of manliness, not just football. An announcer (Mike Tirico, no less) called a pro football player less than manly. And he was absolutely right.

So that’s it. May you win your congressional district on this Election Day – Ryan