I’m not even sure whats going on

It’s time once again to rehash the months “news” from Victoria. With an imminent move to Apple Valley, for the world headquarters of the Victoria Times, you may worry that I’m going to slack on my coverage of Victoria news. Well, don’t worry. Or worry, if you don’t like these posts.

As always, the most interesting news was in the letters to the editor, which I am beginning to appreciate for being so comically awkward, like the a writer wondering if an article on the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum could be written every month, and the editor flat out saying she would rather just have the Arboretum advertise. I love the business, the cutthroat smalltown newspaper business, being displayed to openly.

But no, the interesting news was of a basketball clinic that was recently held at the embattled Victoria Fieldhouse. It was hosted by the lovingly introduced John Thomas, “former Rooesevelt High School star, Minnesota Gophers Captain, Timberwolves Star and current NBA Free Agent”. I love it. First off, I’m not a huge NBA fan, but I generally watch enough TV to know who is and is not a star on a given team. I didn’t even know that Thomas played for the Wolves. Lastly, I love that he was additionally tagged as a current free agent. I just don’t know how many teams are going to be looking for a 32 year old big man who has averaged less than 3 points a game and hasn’t played for a season now. Lastly, they briefly mention that Mike James, a player still actually playing, also participated. I wish I could find pictures.

The first few stories were about city maintenence and financing for downtown redevelopment and oh my God it’s so boring. An interesting development, however was the sale of the old ski factory building (where I used to wash toilets. I don’t want to think about it) to a Polaris retailer. Just what we need! More snowmobiles and toys with engines in this town. I’m actually being kind of serious. I don’t like snowmobiles, because they don’t seem to realize they are in the suburbs while they are in their suburbs, but I like the idea of commerce in V-Town. The only problem the City Council had was the placement of a sign on the facade of the building, because they preferred something that was lower than the Welcome to Victoria sign. I think the big problem was that the name of the place was Digger’s. Unfortunately, Urban Dictionary is down, otherwise, I would be able to tell you what a Digger is. (Hint: #2!)

In sad news, the city’s first watertower is scheduled to be destroyed soon, as the new tower is at a height higher than the old one. The tower is pretty old and a powder blue that calls to mind the 80s Royals, but still, it was a pretty big deal when it was built. And yes, I remember the city watertower being built. That’s how long it took for us to actually get a water tower.

Other noteworthy items: The city council needs more space, perhaps for Tim “Neat-Cool” Amundson’s enormous collection of trendy adjectives. There is debate between Chaska and Victoria about the connections between the two cities. Chaska is trying to bully Victoria, it sounds, and Victoria is holding their ground.

Amundsen also said he wouldn’t like bringing a fire truck into a neighborhood for an event. I have no idea what the event would have been. It wasn’t mentioned. Just that quote. Professional! In that same breath, Jim Paulson said “We’re trying to hire a director” and Kim (?) said “I’m not!”. I don’t know who Kim is (although I only assume its Roden, since shes all buddy buddy with Celine), and I don’t know if they are shooting a movie or what’s even going on.

But so it goes in such a crazy little town.