In the Year 2020…

With all due respect to Conan O’Brien, it’s time once again to take a look at the future of hockey.

…the hockey world will be shocked when a player finally speaks his mind to a reporter. It happens when Marty Brodeur tells the Bergen Record that Miro Satan’s slapshot looks like a big, juicy hamburger.

…Sidney Crosby will finally be considered a bust when it he is unable to part the Red Sea.

…Gary Bettman announces his long awaited retirement as NHL commissioner. He says that he plans to step down in another 50 years.

…the NHL’s expansion to warm weather southern cities is deemed a success when global warming causes the average temperature in Arizona and Florida to drop to 15* F and people instantly turn Canadian.

…Claude Lemieux attempts a comeback at the age of 54. He says “if Chelly can still play, then so can I!”

…Red Bull buys a hockey team and replaces the Gatorade cooler on the bench with Red Bull. In the home opener, the team jumps out to a 10-0 lead in the first period. In the second, the entire team falls asleep and is forced to forfeit.

…the NHL will engineer a new, safer helmet based on Rod Blagojevich’s hair.