Iowa blogs are funny….

The Iowa blogs are just now getting around to previewing the Ohio State game this weekend, and I’ve gotta hand it to them.  They got to it sooner than I thought they would.  I mean, who starts openly discussing a trip to the dentist five days in advance?  You know it’s gonna be painful, so you try not to think about it until the day before.

For a moment, let’s feel sorry for Iowa fans.  Just 3 days ago, they were 9-0, ranked #4 in the BCS polls and were eyeing a Big Ten title and possibly a spot in the National Championship game.  In one game, their nightmares became reality.  Northwestern beat them 17-10, their QB is done for the regular season, and they’re staring down the barrel of the best defense they’ve faced since the 2006 Buckeyes team that beat them down pretty badly in Iowa City.

So let’s take a moment to feel bad for them – OK that’s over now let’s mock them.

The main Iowa blog, Black Hearts Brown Underpants just posted a preview of the game this weekend, and you’ve just got to see it to believe it.  they’re reeeeeallly stretching it.  Let’s watch the train pull away from Realityville;

Before we go off and hand this game over to Ohio State let’s take a casual look at some numbers.

A Terrell Pryor led Ohio State offense has been pretty anemic this year. They are currently ranked 62 nationally. Okay, ours has an even worse rank of 82, and that was with Stanzi. But, if you contextualize both team’s ranking in terms of the competition they’ve played against…well, it’s a little eye opening and certainly gives one hope going into this Saturday.

So, let’s take a look at some numbers….

Sooooo….our offense is “anemic”.  Yours was worse when you had a healthy QB.  You don’t have the QB anymore, but let’s ignore that and make it look like Iowa will win?    So now we know what we’re working with in terms of ignorance.

OK, let’s take a look at those offensive numbers.  Then when you’re finishing thinking that Ohio State won 8 games thanks solely to their offense, let us know.  Then we’ll introduce you to our defense.

Let’s focus on how Pryor and the Ohio State offense have fared against the good guys. Pryor’s line in his three games against the teams I deem good defensively, and total offensive points scored:

USC: 11-25, 177 yards, 1 interception, no TDs, and 36 yards rushing on 10 carries. Total points for offense, 13.

Wisconsin: 5-13, 87yards, 1 interception, 1 TD, and 35 yards rushing on 10 carries. Total points for offense, 10.

Penn State: 8-17, 125 yards, O interceptions, 2 TDs, 50 yards rushing on 5 carries. Total points for offense, 24.

So Pryor’s average in these games is 8-20, 127 yards passing, 1 int., 1 TD and total points for offense is 16 points.

Sure, without Stanzi this may be more than enough offense for Ohio State to win the game. But let’s be honest, they are not so scary offensively.

Yes, and with that not-so-scary offense, we still went 2-1 in those tough games and outscored our opponents by a TOTAL score of 70-38.  Nice try in only using “total points on offense” as a way to include fuzzy math.

It’s also worth noting that the three teams BHBU uses are all ranked…and those ranked teams only managed to score an average of LESS than 13 points against our defense.

These Iowans only gave our defense one mention in the entire article, when they pointed out that we have the 6th-ranked defense in the NCAA.  Then, without flinching and without a semblance of comedic error, they jump right into claiming that they can indeed win the game.  In the same paragraph as the one that mentioned Ohio State’s 6th-best defense in the NCAA.

What they failed to mention was that the Stanzi-less offense of the new-look Hawkeyes didn’t score a single point against the Northwestern Wildcats.  Northwestern has the 46th-best defense in the NCAA.  Yes, that’s right, Northwestern’s defense…which is only slightly better than Louisiana-Monroe’s…held the Iowa Hawkeyes to zero points with their backup QB.  And somehow, that backup QB is going to score enough points against us to win the game.

They finish the “article” with the following passage;

– Wisconsin (Wisconsin!) savaged the Ohio State defense, at Ohio State no less. Just examine the box score if you are looking for a blueprint for how to win this game. The key, of course, is no INTs for TDs and hold down their special teams, particularly their punt and kick off return.

Soooo….play like Wisconsin did, except don’t throw interceptions or get beat on special teams.  Play like Wisconsin (but don’t play like Wisconsin) and you’ll win?  Is that the theory?

That, my friends, is the best effort in the history of the blogosphere…if the effort is to make an 18-point defeat look like a good thing.

If Iowa fans want to believe that playing like Wisconsin did will help them win the game, then The Buckeye Battle Cry fully endorses their game plan for Saturday!

Let’s take a look back at that game, shall we?

Wisconsin RB John Clay is averaging 113 yards per game this season.  Against Ohio State, he gained 59 yards.  His 5.0 average per carry was held to 3 yards per carry.

Wisconsin QB Scott Tolzien attempted 45 passes on the day, completing 27 of them while gaining 250 yards through the air.  The final numbers are good, but 45 passes should get more than those yards, 5.6 per attempt.  And if Iowa thinks that James Vandenberg is going to have anywhere near those numbers, they are going to be sadly, sadly disappointed.  Vandenberg went 9 for 27 for 83 yards against that mighty Northwestern defense, so you can probably forget that lofty goal of being as good as Scott Tolzien.

Vanderbeek Vandenberg is more likely to have the kind of day that Tolzien had when he was throwing TD passes.  He had two of them against Ohio State.  One was to Buckeye CB Kurt Coleman, and the other was to Buckeye DB Jermale Hines.  Reach for the stars, James!

In the end, I have to admit that The BBC is unapologetically pro-Ohio State.  I cannot blame BHBU for spinning this week’s game to look like they’ll win, because that’s what we do when we want our team to win.

But it’s one thing to be a fan of your team and another thing to be a member of the reality-based community.

Go have a read, the comments are especially funny.  Especially the one where they claim that Kirk Ferentz “exercised his demons at Spartan Stadium”.  The mental image of Ferentz forcing Beelzebub to do squat-thrusts in East Lansing is priceless.