We’ve made it halfway through the unnecessarily incessant analysis and coverage of the Super Bowl. It’s right around this time where the media is running out of meaningful things to discuss, so they’re busy conjuring up controversy or filling airtime with the mundane and banal. I’ve only watched this stuff for a day and already had to turn it off (thankfully I retreated to Mexico for a lovely wedding following the NFC Championship where TVs in bars and internet is sparse). No, I don’t really care if Lori Matsukawa of Seattle’s King 5 News can make it through the NFL “Game Day Experience” obstacle course at the Phoenix Convention Center faster than a 10 year old. Or if any Seahawk/Patriot fans live in Phoenix (Oh. My. God. People actually live in a different city than the football team they root for?!) I will, however, make an exception for this “catio” apparently made by a cat feng shui consultant, because at least we can all acknowledge that the non-relevant is still entertaining if it involves insane cat owners.
Now, for the controversy, I offer into evidence the Brandon Browner interview. You may remember Browner as the 6’4” cornerback who spent three seasons with Seattle but had to watch the Super Bowl on TV after allegedly violating the NFL’s performance-enhancing drug rules. Browner was reinstated back in March of last year, and then picked up by the AFC Champ Patriots. He spoke with Josina Anderson in a Monday interview on ESPN in which she asked him about his relationship with his former team and what his thoughts were on Richard Sherman and Earl Thomas III’s injuries. The former (and founding) member of the LOB replied by saying that Sherman and Thomas were “tough,” but that Sherman was “holding his arm like he had a sling on it … at the end of the day, this is about the Super Bowl. I’m gonna tell my teammates, ‘Go hit that elbow. Go hit that shoulder. Most definitely. Try to break it if you can.’ You’re gonna be my best friend after the game, but I know you want the Super Bowl just as bad as I do.”
This expectedly garnered mixed reactions from various Seahawks, from the blasé, to the joking, to the melancholy. But, I can’t seem to give Browner’s statements the same credibility or attention they appear to have garnered. It would be far too obvious if the Pats’ offense were going after Sherm and Earl given their positions on the field, and if somehow targeting their injuries was a real game plan, it wouldn’t be wise to share with everyone on national television. And yet, there is now an endless feed of links to links to other links. How convenient for ESPN. These stories write themselves.
And then there’s “Deflategate 2015.” Did They? Didn’t They? What will they NFL do? What won’t they do? Yes, if it happened, it’s inappropriate and something should be done about it. But there are legitimate crises occurring everyday in this country that don’t even get a tenth of the coverage this debacle received. And now they’re saying that a locker room attendant snuck balls into the bathroom like a teenager sneaking booze at a high school dance. And then there are petitions, OH THE PETITIONS, galore. Well, I’m going to start a petition to instate a moratorium on discussing this issue and that whatever Bill Nye the Science Guy says goes.
I get it, there’s two weeks that the players need to recover and prepare for the game. You have to fill airtime with something. But did you also know that other sports exist? We’re in the heart of the NBA season, for crying out loud. I know this may sound counterintuitive or hypocritical given the title I’ve assumed as a contributor to this fine online periodical. But, for the sake of your brain and future ability to engage in critical thinking, turn off this nonsense. Remember, they’re the reason poor Marshawn can’t catch a break with these ridiculous fines.
Go Hawks.
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