Is It Sports? Mailbag

Originally posted on “Is It Sports?” by Ryan. This one is all over the place, filled with a lot of random thoughts. We eventually did a real mailbag post…

All right, so I lied. This isn’t a mailbag, mostly because we haven’t received any mail that wasn’t for Yahoo’s small business package. I could print responses to that, but nobody wants to read that, not even me. But, like a mail bag, this post is full of a lot of scatterbrained topics, and no real point. Send us mail sometime soon, so we never have to do it again.

The Super Bowl. Pretty good game if you like close contests. Pretty awful if you like good football. Pretty bush league if you watch for the Halftime Show. In past, fully clad shows, they still had exciting pairings of musicians that you wouldn’t expect, like N*Sync, Nelly and Aerosmith. This year, with McCartney on stage, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. There wasn’t even a Ringo sighting.

As for the commercials, I was disappointed that there wasn’t any talk about the FedEx spot afterwards. I needed to see it again because I was laughing too hard to catch all of it. Something about seeing Burt Reynolds getting kicked in the junk.

I’m on an intramural basketball team here at Purdue. The first game we played was against an all African American team. Contrary to ethnic stereotypes, we crushed “Team Swag”. The next game we lost to the Muffins. I’m averaging a half a point a game. I think that’s really all I can say, but I just thought it was pertinent information for everyone.

Was I the only one totally floored when Flip Saunders got fired? Minnesota sports teams have a long history of keeping coaches that have won in the past for virtually forever. Tom Kelly won an average of 17 games a year from ’94-’98, but he had to retire before we hired anyone else. And McHale and Saunders were buddies. I keep thinking though, that he’ll still be back to coach the Wolves next year.

On a related note, Phil Jackson will NOT coach in Minnesota.

There is nothing more relaxing or intimidating than getting a quick neck rub from a 6’9 wide receiver. Don’t ask.

In case you were wondering, I am ecstatic that they are even talking about trading Randy Moss. What an unbelievable ray of sunshine that is raining upon my otherwise bleak sports existence.

Mardi Gras definitely needs to be celebrated in New Orleans, or some other free spirited locale. Just doesn’t work on this conservative university. I couldn’t even get drunk, and the hurricanes they served here tasted like sweet tarts. Ick.

Speaking of Hurricanes, it is totally wrong to see Miami fifth in the ACC. They belong in the Big East, I don’t care what big money says.

What happened to Mike Hall? Who really cares about the Pro Bowl? What happened on Thursday’s episode of CSI? All questions I want answered.

Ok back to IM basketball. I’m also an official for those games. I have a totally new appreciation for officials everywhere. I’m not even on TV, doing big games, but I can’t shop at Wal*Mart without hateful things being said to me. The truth is, however, that there is nothing in any job I’ve ever had that compares to the thrill of T’ing some jerk up. Last Wednesday, I ejected a whole team. I couldn’t sleep for three days, because the adrenaline was still so high.

The best part of being a referee, though, is that it gave me the spine I always needed growing up. I can now, at ease, turn on the a-hole switch anytime. It helps me get what I want. And you know there are just some people that need a Burt Reynolds style kick to the cajones anyways. Besides, it’s always interesting to hear someone cuss me out. I’m probably in a small fraternity of people who can hear four and twelve letter words get spewed at them, and be thrilled by it.

If you are even a meager fan of hip-hop, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you to immediately purchase Ludacris’s “Red Light District” It’s a phenomenal album. Easily my best musical purchase since CCR’s greatest hits a few years back. On that note, I kind of want to see what Luda would do with “Proud Mary”. Don’t tell me he wouldn’t want to rap about rollin’ on a river.

After much thought, there is one thing that you can have that would scare me to death. The neck tattoo. Frightening. It’s just not right to have needles jabbed into your neck, especially for something that permanent. You never know what someone crazy enough to get a neck tattoo will do next. I keep my distance, and so should you.

In the long lineage of female pop stars that are good looking enough not to have a bag over there head, sing well enough for feminists and award givers to like them, but definitely not good looking enough to be pin-ups or have the voices that clubgoers clamor to hear more of, women like Janis Joplin, Cher, Alanis Morissette, and Melissa Etheridge, is there any doubt that Joss Stone is next in that line?

Tim Wallach. Montreal Expos’ best third baseman ever. My favorite player as a youngster. Thought I’d mention that.

I think anyone that reads this site knows that there are people in this country that follow the popular media opinion, like it was the national opinion. Nowhere else is that truer than the sports world. So when Woody Paige tells you that nobody cares about the hockey lockout, that just means HE doesn’t care about it. There are still millions of hockey fans in real hockey cities across the country. The Canadian economy will take a hit of something like 170 million dollars because of the lockout. It needs to end, and for the first time, I’m siding with the owners on this one.

All right, that’s about all I’ve got. Write us some mail ([email protected]) so I never have to do this again. – Ryan