It’s the Baseball Fan Aptitude Test (BFAT) 2018! Special “Mostly Pop Culture Reference” Edition.

By Glen McKee, Angelswin.com Senior Triviologist

Yep, opening day is right around the corner (the corner being roughly nine days, depending upon when I publish this), so it is once again time to put your baseball knowledge to the test with a 30-question quiz, one question for each team.  Score this test yourself because you should know which answers you get correct.  Grade yourself however you like but know that if you don’t get a perfect score, you suck.  Good luck!

1. What team won the World Series last season?
   1. Brooklyn Dodgers
   2. Montreal Expos
   3. New York Football Giants
   4. Houston Astros

2. The Cleveland Indians were nominally the subject of one of the best baseball movies ever, “Major League.”  What excellent TV show was based in Cleveland and even had a remake of the song “Cleveland Rocks” by Ian Hunter as a theme?
   1. “Joanie Loves Chachi”
   2. “Grace Under Fire”
   3. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”
   4. “The Drew Carey Show”

3. The Miami Marlins, under the auspices of Derek Jeter, have once again traded away almost every notable player they had. Which one of the following is actually on the Marlins?
   1. Derek Jeter
   2. Frank Stallone
   3. Tommy DeVito
   4. Starlin Castro

4. Dave Martinez was named as the new manager of the Washington Nationals. What sleepy-eyed SOB did he take over from?
   1. Emo Phillips
   2. Forrest Whittaker
   3. Ben Carson
   4. Dusty Baker

5. The New York Yankees traded for Giancarlo Stanton from the Marlins during the offseason. Does this mean it’s OK to hate them again?
   1. Yes
   2. Yes
   3. Yes
   4. Also, yes

6. The Tampa Bay Rays also traded some of their best players during the offseason, and dsvajnp0advvdasnhp=34grAb…sorry, I nodded off there for a moment. Next question.

7. Jon Lester, the ace of the Chicago Cubs, had an off year in 2018. During the 2018 season the players had one game where they could wear a nickname on the back of their jersey, and sadly Lester went with “Lester.”  What’s the best nickname for Lester?
   1. Johnny
   2. Jester
   3. Lester is Morester
   4. Mo

8. The Reds play in Cincinnati. The fictional radio station WKRP is also in Cincinnati.  Which character on WKRP in Cincinnati was the coolest?
   1. Herb Tarlek
   2. Les Nessman
   3. Venus Flytrap
   4. Johnny Fever

9. Because I loved WKRP so much, a bonus Cincinnati question: who was hotter, Jennifer Marlowe (Loni Anderson) or Bailey Quarters (Jan Smithers)?
   1. Jennifer Marlowe
   2. Jan Smithers
   3. Really, you can’t go wrong with either one

10. The Colorado Rockies could be very good this season, and if there is a Baseball God He’ll have them surpass the Dodgers. One of the players on the Rockies goes by “DJ.”  What is his last name?
    1. Kool
    2. Jazzy Jeff
    3. Qualls
    4. LeMahieu

11. The Texas Rangers play in, of all places, Texas. What’s the best thing about Texas?
    1. Ted Cruz
    2. The heat and humidity
    3. Easy access to El Paso
    4. Texas bar-b-q

12. The Seattle Mariners are experiencing the joy of having Jerry Dipoto as GM. I know that’s not a question, I just wanted to gloat a little bit.

13. The Los Angeles Angels made a big splash in the offseason when they signed the most sought-after Japanese player. When will Albert Pujols’ contract end?
    1. After this season
    2. 2019
    3. 2020
    4. Seemingly never

14. The Oakland Athletics could be the surprise team this year, or they could end up as sellers at the trade deadline as usual because Brad Pitt played Billy Beane. If Oakland decided to trade their stadium, what would they get in return?
    1. A pair of rusty cleats
    2. Half of a week-old sandwich
    3. A two-peckered goat
    4. Herpes

15. The Dodgers made it to the World Series last year and were one game away from winning it all, but their season ended in perhaps the most heartbreaking way a season can end: losing game seven of the World Series.  Again, I don’t have a question, I just wanted to share that.

16. According to a recent Forbes ranking, Oriole Park at Camden Yards is the second-best baseball stadium. What stadium is ranked #1?
    1. Madison Cube Garden
    2. Tropicana Field
    3. Angel Stadium
    4. AT&T Park (San Francisco)

17. The Tigers play in Detroit. What is the best thing to come out of Detroit?
    1. Kid Rock, ha ha ha
    2. Kwame Kilpatrick
    3. Sonny Bono
    4. Bob effin’ Seger

18. The New York Mets play at Citi Field in Queens. Who traveled to Queens to find his Queen?
    1. Hakeem Olajuwan
    2. Hakeem Nicks
    3. Hakeem Jeffries
    4. Prince Akeem from Zamunda

19. Minnesota Twins starting shortstop Jorge Polanco was recently suspended for 80 games for violating MLB policy on Performance Enhancing Drugs. Do PEDs make the game better?
    1. Probably
    2. Most likely
    3. Almost certainly
    4. Yeah

20. In 1979 the Pittsburgh Pirates won the World Series. They had really cool hats back then.  Anyway, what song was associated with them that year that later became a staple at drag queen shows?
    1. “It’s Raining Men”
    2. “That Boy is a Bottom”
    3. “My Ding-a-ling”
    4. “We Are Family”

21. What’s the best thing associated with Philadelphia, the home of the Phillies?
    1. A statue honoring a fictional character from a movie
    2. Cheesesteak sandwiches
    3. The Philadelphia Naked Bike Ride
    4. Frank Reynolds

22. What creature does Boston Red Sox starting 2B most resemble?
    1. Jason Statham’s younger, slightly “off” brother
    2. Napoleon
    3. A ferret
    4. Pick any animal from the order Rodentia

23. Toronto is the home of the Blue Jays. What crotchety old musician came from Toronto?
    1. Bono
    2. Sting
    3. Mick Jagger
    4. Neil Young

24. The Braves are from ATL. What does ATL mean?
    1. Ass Too Large
    2. Above The Law
    3. All Time Low
    4. Atlanta

25. San Francisco is ranked as the gayest city in the US, with a 6.2% population rate of LGBT residents. Who was the guest star on the episode of The Simpsons where Homer was afraid that Bart was gay?
    1. John Travolta
    2. Tom Cruise
    3. Brad Pitt
    4. John Waters

26. The White Sox are always the second child to the Cubs in Chicago. What second child listed below is the worst?
    1. Jay Leno
    2. Stephen Colbert
    3. Prince Harry
    4. Donald Trump

27. The Brewers play in Milwaukee. Which of the following is the best fictional thing to happen in Milwaukee?
    1. Fonzie jumping the shark
    2. Laverne and Shirley waving at a bottle of beer
    3. Mork trying to take Richie to Ork
    4. Wayne and Garth meeting Alice Cooper backstage

28. The Arizona D-Backs have a very good RF named David Peralta. What criminally-unpopular TV show that you should be watching has a lead character named Jake Peralta?
    1. Cop Rock
    2. BJ & the Bear
    3. Lucifer
    4. Brooklyn Nine Nine

29. San Diego is famous for its military bases and its proximity to the donkey shows in Tijuana.  Which of the following is an actual player on the Padres?
    1. Ralston Schmidt
    2. Langston Hughes
    3. Headly Lamarr
    4. Chase Headley

30. A few years ago baseball pundits were falling all over the Cardinals for their method of conducting business, which was later revealed to be kinda shady.  What was the name of that method?
    1. The ATM Move
    2. The Midwest Scramble
    3. The Ickey Shuffle
    4. The Cardinal Way

31. And finally, a question about the Kansas City Royals. What state do the Royals play in?
    1. Kansas
    2. Puerto Rico
    3. Louisiana
    4. Missoura

And that’s it.  If you really must know, no matter what you think the correct answer for each question is d.  This isn’t subjective.  Enjoy your baseball season.