With a flurry of activity Thursday night, the 2010 NFL Season officially began. In the short 24 hours since the clock struck anew on the season, several fortunes changed for both a variety of teams and players. Notably, the Chicago Bears played the role of aggressor as the signed both defensive end Julius Peppers and now former Vikings running back Chester Taylor to noteworthy contracts. Likewise, former Vikings’ receiver Nate Burleson found himself in a new tax bracket after he signed a contract with NFC North rival Detroit Lions.
Days later, the flurry of activity keeps churning as notable names like Aaron Kampman, Antrel Rolle and Anquan Boldin have all been on the move. And for one Viking, the feeling is that his name will be called soon too.
“Oh, fa sho, I know Imma get mah name called here real quick” said Vikings backup quarterback Tarvaris Jackson. “Imma best quatta back out deyr right now in dis free agent market, so you know somma teams gonna be callin’ mah name real quick.
“I can sign wid anyboday right now, right?”
Well, actually no. Tarvaris Jackson was given a third round tender, which is ironic considering that he was drafted in the second round in 2006. The third round tender should be enough to tell Jackson and his agent all they need to know about a possible move for Jackson this offseason, namely, a very little chance.
“Imma telling ya’ll, I have ta be like, the best free agent quatta back out deyr this offseason, right?” said Jackson, as he worked on his jumping. “Shit, I’ve played more games than Matthew Stafford … I think … Or … well, maybe I haven’t I don’t know. I do know I threw tons a touch dawhns against da Cardinals when dey went to da Supa Bow, but tha point here is that I’m probably better than Sam Bradford, so why not just pick me up instead? I throw a mean jump pass, bitch.”
While that may be true, there are other quarterbacks on the market this year that are starting to attract some attention. The Carolina Panthers former backup quarterback, Matt Moore, who has less starts than Jackson, was deemed successful enough to be granted a top rated restricted status. Others, including David Carr and freshly released Jake Delhomme, are also considered to be better quarterback options than Jackson.
When asked about both the unrestricted free agent and restricted free agent quarterback class in 2010, one anonymous NFC Head Coach had this to say:
“Oh, it’s a total shit class this year. Who are you going to get? Troy Smith? David Carr? Tarvaris Jackson? Ha! I mean, if you’re going to waste a third round pick on getting Jackson you may as well just draft Tim fucking Tebow. At least you’ll be able to understand him in the huddle and have him double as a cheerleader on the sidelines.” Said Childre … er, the anonymous coach.
Despite this seemingly universal perception of Jackson, Tarvaris is still confident that he’ll attract attention across the NFL. “Imma wanted man, ya know?” he said while practicing calling plays with marbles in his mouth. “Well, not for quatta back, I guess. I have this underage thing that goes back a couppa years or so. Iss cool though. I just gots to show some team like da Raidas or da Jaguars that I can throw da ball super far and I’m gold. Then the Vikings will have to up their money ta me, and I’ll be a total millionaire!
“Shit’s going to be wild.”
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