Howdy ho, losers. It’s your old pal JR here, checking in after a crazy holiday season.
My holiday season was actually pretty chill. Just the usual: making millions off my totally legit-ass business opportunity, that great night in Cabo–all good times, even the ones I am legally required to not talk about. On a semi-related note, gag orders suck. Let’s just say we were all feeling really good and thought we could make it to Reno, but apparently some of us just couldn’t swing that.
I’m starting to rediscover this twitter thing. It’s kinda fun, actually! No wonder you dorks are all over it. With twitter, I can make one promise to all of you: I promise I won’t go Favre on you and send pictures of my junk. Unless you’re a hot lady who asks and signs a mountain of legal papers. Then we might be cool. I won’t send pictures of my junk to non-cool people.
What’s with this new look on the site? I can’t find jack anymore. It’s all streamlined and crap. You nerds are weird. And this print is HUGE. Do you think I’m so old, I’m blind? Frigging jabroneys.
I watched the Winter Classic a while back. Man,that ice looked like shit. It looked like it was crying. Or sweating. Considering it was in Pittsburgh, it might have been both. But hey, the Capitals won and it looks like Bruce Bordeau’s gonna get some BBQ ripple ice cream to celebrate. Not like he needs it or anything.
But it’s a new year, and that means new projects for everyone! I can’t exactly spill the secrets of my newest projects, but let’s just say, if everything pans out, you might need to stock up on some magnum condoms for your monster dongs. And I’ll have to stock up on Bud Light and hot ladies for my private jets. You can never have too much Bud Light or too may hot ladies.
Anyway, that’s all your buddy JR’s been up to for a while. Tell your moms I said hey, and as always, screw Milbury. But dont ,you know, ACTUALLY screw him. That’s just gross and wrong.
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