Boston Red Sox first/third baseman Kevin Youkilis proved tonight that he is more ambiguous than the love child spawned if Boy George had a three-way with Lady Gaga and RuPaul. Or this guy. Or this guy. Just look at this jerk:
Joke-ilis charged the mound after getting drilled in the back by Rick Porcello in the second inning of the game tonight between the Detroit Tigers and the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park. The plugging was justified, as the Red Sox have hit Tigers’ first baseman and best player Miguel Cabrera twice in the last two nights, and the pitch tonight which hit Miguel in the hand knocked him from the game, although x-rays were negative. But it was HOW Vag-ilis charged Porcello which was disgraceful. As he approached the 20 year old pitcher, Douche-ilis took off his helmet in an attempt to blind Rick with the reflection of the lights off his pale, bald head, (the last time I saw a noggin’ like that was on Powder), and then threw the helmet at Porcello like an old woman throws her purse at a mugger. Despite having to dodge the helmet, which arrived just before Suck-ilis did, Porcello managed to get an under-hook on Puss-ilis and slam him to the ground like you would a common sack of potatoes, or like you would with your little brother, or like you would to a midget if you were at a bar which was hosting a midget-tossing contest, or… okay you get the idea.
So Wimp-ilis is the big loser of the night. The shame of this whole fiasco is that in a sick twist of fate, his charging the mound also led to Porcello’s ejection. Mind you it was early, but Slick Rick appeared to have real good stuff tonight, and he left the game with a 3-0 lead. In addition, Mike Lowell came off the bench to replace Jerk-ilis and promptly hit a pair of home runs. Currently, the game is in a rain delay in the 6th inning with the Sox up 6-3. Here’s another clip of the mini-brawl, in addition to the one just posted by Bobby B:
In other news, Alyssa Milano’s exes are starting to really piss me off. Milano ex Carl Pavano beat the Tigers in Detroit on Saturday night pitching for the Minnesota Twins, just days after beating the Tigers with the Cleveland Indians. Then last night, the Tigers lost in Boston in a game Milano ex Brad Penny started. That’s 3 games in one week that the Tigers lost to guys who gave the high hard one to the former Samantha Micelli. Seriously, we know Alyssa has dated a few ballplayers in her time, but this is ridiculous. If Barry Zito is traded to the White Sox in the next few days, I’m tearing down the “Poison Ivy 2” poster on my bedroom wall. I mean, what’s next? Boston signs Tony Danza to take Clay Buchholz’ spot in the rotation so that he can start the last game of the Tigers series, on the off-chance that Tony shtooped Ms. Milano at some point during filming? (Vegas oddsmakers have it at 3:1.)
So follow Alyssa on twitter, and while you’re at it, ask her to keep her ex boyfriends out of the American League– http://twitter.com/alyssa_milano. Also, follow http://twitter.com/detroit4lyfe and http://twitter.com/cpackey.
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