Lockout Fun: Get Drunk and Yell at Cars.

With the lockout, we’re all scrambling for something to do. I know I’ve been neglecting this blog, what with graduate school and all, but I managed to stumble upon something truly amazing. I know we all love keeping up with the wacky antics of the Staal brothers. I have unearthed the official rules to the popular family game of “Get Drunk and Yell at Cars”, as followed by the Staals:

1. Only one player can yell at each car. However, if a car does a u-turn in the road and comes back, then the car is up for grabs again. Yelling at a car gets a player one point.
2. Additional points are possible with any reactions from drivers. For example:
   1. One additional point for a look.
   2. Two additional points are for any honks or fingers.
   3. Three additional points if the driver stops and comes out of the car as a result.
      1. i.      Additional points can also be available if there is a fight. Points are awarded by the additional players to the fighting player based on artistic style, blood, and who falls down first. This is usually out of 10 point system, but you can use a 5 point system for people like Jordan who can’t count higher than five.
      2. ii.      I can totally count way higher than five, Eric, stop being a doucher.
         1. Whatever, dude.
         2. YOU GUYS. We’re getting off track here.
3. If one player goes above and beyond standards for creative profanity, the other players may award this player up to ten points at their own discretion.  Anyone can yell “fuckface”, but there’s some real talent out there, and it should be rewarded.
4. Puking is a penalty of 5 points. However, if puking starts a fight, the puker may redeem him or herself with a good fight score.
   1. That’s right, getting drunk and yelling at cars is a co-ed sport!
   2. Ladies…
   3. Much like baseball, horseshoes, and your mom’s hairy stomach, there is no specific end to a game of Get Drunk and Yell at Cars. However, most players agree that a loss of consciousness or the arrival of cops pretty much instantly ends any game.
   4. Whenever possible, use actual words to yell at cars.
   5. Because there are no time limits, you may need to plan accordingly. This means that you may have to carry some more beer to keep the game going. Remember the old Thunder Bay expression: “A beer in the hand is worth two in the fridge.”
      1. Some places are lame and have open container laws. Eric recommends using a travel mug, so that way nobody knows exactly what you’re drinking.
      2. Don’t throw stuff at the cars. People, like, die from that.  And besides, we’re not twelve.
      3. Spitting, however, is permitted. However, you must sacrifice you chance to yell AND to get points, your spit MUST make contact.
      4. Don’t bogart other people’s beer. It’s not their fault you were too cheap or too stupid to get beer that doesn’t suck.