I hate them. Hate them more than any fanbase in the world. I would rather gargle Drano than sit in a car with them for 60 minutes. There's a stench of arrogance that enters the room when they walk in. I can see them from a mile away. No, they don't have to be wearing green and white or singing some god awful football chant.
Oh, no.
They are a cross between a frat boy and a young Wall Street yuppie. They are lawyers or stockbrokers, I have no doubts. They are in their mid-30s and they still go to Suite 16 or some night spot that you need to pay 30 bucks just to get into. They still get into bar fights. No, wait a minute… They pretend they are going to get into fights and just wait for their entourage of yuppies to surround them to make a show of holding them back. They come from Long Island or New Jersey. Heavy, annoying accents. They are the demons who walk through the shadow of death.
They are Jets fans…and I hate them all.
It didn't start when I moved to NYC in 2002. It started back in Buffalo. You may call me a turncoat after reading this, but I can't stand UB. I hated that college. It had nothing to do with being a Buffalo State alumnus as I assure you, I wish I had gone away to college. It had to do with working at my family's pizzeria. Our spot was right on the corner of Main St. and Winspear. During this time period -1993-2002- UB South Campus was the place to be. Everyone from that school lived around the area since it was before the North Campus blew up. You had tons of bars to go to along with a festive college atmosphere. Unfortunately, it wasn't festive for me. I was working Fridays at the pizza place until 4am, serving drunk college students.
I hated it.
Not only did I have to work with my sister, who wasn't exactly a great boss because she hated it too, I had to stand at the counter and serve hot ass slices to stupid drunks. Keep in mind, I was a young teenager doing this and hated every single moment of it. Did I mention I hated it? It is exactly why I don't care for UB. Yes, pizza made me hate UB.
To me, it felt like 90% of the students were from NYC/Long Island. I heard it in their voices, I saw it in the way they looked at us like we were just losers who worked at a pizzeria. They were also Jets fans. OK, maybe they all weren't, but a few times, I can recall students walking in drunk and doing the stupid J-E-T-S chant. No one likes being sober amongst drunks, especially when you have to serve them food. I had people vomit on the counter and one time, some girl stole a fake pumpkin that serenaded people at the counter with "Happy Halloween." They even stole Parmesan cheese from the counter and would say inappropriate things to my older sister.
(Sidenote: The girl who stole the pumpkin came back to the pizzeria a week later, dressed as a prisoner for Halloween. Ironic, huh? She drunkenly walked in and slurred, "This is the place I stole a pumpkin from." BIG MISTAKE. My sister made a beeline to the counter and started yelling at the girl. "You fucken bitch. You stole a pumpkin from my little brother!!" I, of course, perfected the puppy dog look as my sister ragged on the jailbird girl pretty badly. Haha. Love you, big sis.)
I had this built up anger towards them for the rest of my time at the pizzeria, which, of course, ended with me moving to NYC. Makes total sense, right? (Sarcasm)
Truth be told, it is Jets fans who annoy me most in NYC. Maybe it is because I don't have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to the Sabres or Bills, especially in comparison to the Rangers/Giants/Islanders. Once they mention their titles, I normally look away with a sheepish grin on my face. Yeah, they are right. However, they don't seem to be that obnoxious about it, Giants fans, specifically. Yes, even though they have Norwood missing a field goal on their highlight reel, I never feel like I want to punch their lights out when they mention it. Hey, we lost. End of story. But honestly, I find Giants fans to be more reserved. To me, they are a bluecollar fanbase. They always talk about power football with a glimmer in their eye. If you like power football as a fan, you are a tough guy. A guy who has a work ethic without the element of complaining. The point is, I will gracefully bow out of discussions about those teams because they are better, history speaking.
I will NOT back down from Jets fans.
They are so arrogant. They tend to shit on you with the power of a Clydesdale. The annoying thing is what exactly can they brag about? The Bills have more division titles, more Hall of Famers, and more AFC/AFL Championships. However, they tend to ignore all that and point to a Super Bowl win that happened 40 years ago. Yes, 40 years ago. You'd have to be in your 50's to remember the game. Yet, they will talk shit because we lost four SBs, going on about how we suck. Let me tell you something, I'd rather have the Bills history than the Jets. At least I remember when we were good, you stupid fucks! I'm not going to back down like I do with Giants/Rangers fans.
As far as I'm concerned, you suck just as much as we do, except we will admit it.
You fools have the NYC media who make the likes of Joe Namath -who has 45 more interceptions than touchdowns- into gods. But yes, thank god for him. Thank god he's a drunk. Thank god he posed in pantyhose. What a load of crap. There have been so many overrated Jets over the years. It is hard to keep track. Chad Pennington was supposed to be the next Joe Montana. Then it was Brett Favre. Eric Mangini was mangenius. Mark Sanchez. Rex Ryan. Tim Tebow. The list of back page folklore never ends with this franchise. The franchise resembles something along the lines of a Hollywood actor/actress who is constantly doing stupid things like posing while shopping for fruit in order to get on TMZ.
Oh, the Giants won the SB? How can we knock them off the back pages? Let's trade for Tebow when everyone besides Skip Bayless knows it is a bad idea and nothing more than a publicity stunt. They did it with Rex Ryan. They did it when they decided to do Hard Knocks. They are the ultimate US Weekly franchise. Their fans are just desperate housewives who believe everything they read in it.
This Sunday, I'll be going to the MetloserLife Stadium with the guys at the Deeg. It will be my first time going to a Bills away game. I've done it with the Sabres visit the Islanders and the Rangers, but I'm pretty sure this will be different. 70,000 twisted, demented assclowns will be filling up the stadium. When you add the fact that it is the season opener in with how obnoxious Jets fans are and my anger towards them, you have a recipe for disaster.
I'm not sure what is going to happen at this game. I'd like to be a good guest, but something tells me their fans won't be good hosts. I don't exactly know the rules for going to an away footballl game, but I'm not taking shit from anyone. I'm not going to golf clap or try to just blend in so that I don't get noticed or beat up. Yes, I'm channeling the asshole Sabres fans we heard all about in Carolina. It is going to be war. With the Bills ending the Pats streak last year, their longest losing streak now lies with the Jets at five games. It would be glorious for them to end that streak while I'm in attendance.
But if they don't, I'll be sure to have a good time heckling some New Yorkers, just like they did when I was serving them pizza.
Go Bills, f#$K the Jets.
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