This past weekend, Toronto’s Luke Scheen had a run-in with a velociraptor in downtown Toronto. While it is believed that dinosaurs died off long ago, it appears that one may have survived for the last million or so years. It cornered Scheen in downtown Toronto but did not attack him. Instead it presented him with a sleeveless t-shirt of some kind and wished him well. It then turned to a nearby cameraman who was snapping a picture of the scene and growled “rawrrrr vrarrrr rowrrr” which is loosely translated to “I’m gonna eat you next”.
Scientists and local police are currently investigating what exactly it was that the dinosaur gave Schenn. It appears to be some kind of pre-historic basketball jersey, presumably a relic from millions of years ago when dinosaurs ruled the earth and had their own basketball league, the now defunct DBL. It could also be a homemade Leafs jersey made by a colorblind dinosaur or simply a peace offering, as one scenario authorities are exploring is that the velociraptor lives in the apartment above Schenn and has loud parties every weekend. The raptor may have decided to send some goodwill in the hopes that Schenn won’t “be a douche” and call the cops again when he has “his bros” over for “a few brewskis”.
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