While the Cardinals have been working out the kinks in Jupiter, I’ve been doing some Spring Training of my own: reading Baseball Prospectus 2011, drafting my fantasy team, watching Major League, learning creative new swears.
After these tough weeks of analyzing Charlie Sheen’s heater and Mike Moustakas’ ass, I’m ready to bust out the tea leaves on 2011. My predictions:
Cardinals wins: 83.
Top excuse for failure to reach playoffs: Wainwright’s injury.
Vitals for No. 5: 43 homers, 121 runs batted in, 101 walks. Batting average .334.
McClellan starts: 24.
TLR-Rasmus feuds: Three.
TLR-Rasmus feud articles/columns in Post-Dispatch: Twelve.
Team leader in HLR (hustle, loyalty, respect): Ryan Theriot, natch.
Non-Cardinals team I’ll mention most: Kansas City Royals. No, seriously. The Royals have been investing heavily in their farm system for the past several years, and we’re about to start seeing dividends as those homegrown boys advance to the major leagues. Plus, did I mention that Mike Moustakas is hawt?
Month when I’ll begin trash-talking Tony LaRussa in earnest: June.
Most I’ll spend on a single-game ticket: $112 + fees. Every year I buy reasonably priced seats off a friend with season tickets, and every year I supplement them with a few sets of not-so-reasonably priced single-game tickets for one reason or another. I suspect this is the year I succumb to the Pooches at the Ballpark promotion. Don’t you worry; no one’s judging me more than me on this.
Player most likely to file a restraining order against me now that LaRue’s gone: Jason Motte.
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