Just a recap of the past few years in Detroit: The auto industry has completely collapsed, sending the local economy into a tailspin. Founder of Little Caesars Mike Ilitch begins a downtown revitalization plan in Detroit, relocating his offices there. He buys the Red Wings and they turn into a Stanley Cup contender in no time.The Auto industry continues to falter. The Wings continue to improve. Ilitch eventually buys the atrocious Tigers (baseball, people). The Tigers turn it around and become respectable. Little Caesars continues to make money.
Right now, Mike Ilitch is the only good thing happening in Detroit. It’s all because of discount pizza. Now he is looking to buy the Pistons, who will probably end up winning the NBA championship in no time. In a city that is home to the major auto manufacturers of our country, Mike Ilitch, the founder of Little fricking Caesars is the king of all sports in that town. This says one of two things: Detroit is phenomenally depressing or Ilitch is a true American hero. Given the success of the teams he owns, it’s hard not to say it’s option number two. He even has a key to the city! Just like James Earl Jones and Saddam Hussein! Eh, maybe it is option 1.
Still and all, Detroit is in a bad place. Please, America, don’t check your gluttenous desparation. Gorge yourself of crappy 5 dollar pizza. Detroit needs you to.
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