MIKE JOHNSON IS A FUCKING IDIOT

Michael Paul Johnson is a retired Canadian professional ice hockey right winger who played in the NHL for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Tampa Bay Lightning, Phoenix Coyotes, Montreal Canadiens and the St. Louis Blues.

That was copied straight from his Wikipedia page. Because before today, I had absolutely no clue who the hell he was. Mike sure does know how to make a first impression, nevertheless.

Here he is now, at his current job, making a complete idiot of himself with the stupidest, worst 15-seconds of hockey analysis I have ever heard:

Guys are swinging sticks at heads and this guy wants a suspension on the one hockey play where a physical assault didn’t actually take place. Okayyyyyy. Mike Johnson sounds like a butthurt Caps fan — let’s just say it. The same group who probably wanted to raise a banner when TJ Oshie PULLED THE EXACT SAME MANEUVER AGAINST BONINO LAST SEASON:

Johnson does have a whopping 22-career playoff games under his belt, so we have to assume he knows what he’s talking about. Though he may have forgotten the dive he took back in 1999 that possibly saved his life:

Internet never forgets.