Playoff Rooting Guide: Division Series

The baseball grim reaper claimed the Angels over the weekend after the Halos failed to qualify for one of the spots in Bud Selig’s Wild Card Bonanza. Your nights are now free to put up Halloween decorations or get an early start on spooky treats or argue on the internet about the best horror movie (it’s Alien) or rehearse your role for the Rocky Horror interpretation your acting troupe is putting on for the local senior center.

But what if you don’t like Halloween at all? Well there is still baseball if you’re not too sore about it. How is a bitter Angel fan supposed to know which teams to root for? I’m glad you asked.

Angels Playoff Outlook

This is the end.

Wild Card

Astros at Yankees

This is awkward. After spending six months rooting against the Astros you’re just supposed to root for them in the playoffs? Yes. Yes you are.

If you want to go rogue and root for the Yankees because they’re likely to lose in the next round anyway I won’t begrudge you that. Better yet, just stay away from this game. Use this three-hour to window to stock up on pumpkin spice goods at Trader Joe’s.

Root: Astros

Cubs at Pirates

Consider that four years ago the Cubs, with the third best record in all of baseball, would not have made the postseason. Maybe the coin flip game isn’t so bad after all? This is a fantastic game and both teams are likable enough but you have to root for the Pirates. Here’s why:

If the Cubs win the World Series nobody will shut the hell up about Back to the Future Part II, which in 1989 “predicted” the Cubs would win the World Series in 2015. Twitter will just evolve into the same variation of Marty McFly shoe jokes and references to Biff’s sports almanac. With The Walk, we already have more than enough Robert Zemeckis for one month. Wait a year, Cubs.

Root: Pirates

Division Series

Astros/Yankees-Royals

Your choice is the team that kept the Angels out of the postseason this year, the one that embarrassed them in the postseason last year, or the Yankees. Unless you hold onto grudges, the Royals are probably the right choice here.

Root: Royals

Rangers- Blue Jays

I can’t find a reason to dislike the Blue Jays other than Josh Donaldson’s inner—or outer—bro, but every team is littered with excess of machismo. I can find many reasons to dislike the Rangers, the biggest being they’re the living embodiment of Arte Moreno’s terrible offseason moves. Signing Hamilton, not signing Beltre, trading Napoli. The memories are too real and too raw. This team needs to go away.

Yes I am mad.

Root: Blue Jays

Cubs/Pirates -Cardinals

Irrelevant because #devilmagic will propel St. Louis to glory, but they’re the Midwest Yankees and thus deserve our scorn.

Root: Cubs/Pirates

Mets-Dodgers

Like many Angel fans, I dislike Dodgers. Why? I honestly have no idea other than they’re a local rival and I’m supposed to hate them. But it would be great to watch Clayton Kershaw shove once or twice. There’s a perception that Kershaw is a postseason choker; “Clayton Manning” is a meme that exists. It’s true that Kershaw hasn’t been his typical Hall of Fame self in October, but that can be easily explained by small sample noise and an improved quality of competition. If anyone deserves to shed the “choker” stigma and win a World Series ring, it’s Kershaw. Throw in our old friend Howie Kendrick, Yasiel Puig doing fun things, and the smile that would creep over Vin Scully’s face if the Dodgers win it all and suddenly rooting for LA doesn’t seem like such a bad option.

But really, screw the Dodgers.

Root: Mets