Mocking the Draft

thortonsoffice

This is one of those pieces that wasn’t planned, but I have to get it out..

For the last few weeks I’ve been laying low with the draft hype. Truth be told, I’ve had a few posts up about it, but Michael and Frank have done most of the leg work around here because they love talking about it. They watch college football and can’t get enough of this stuff. Plus, I don’t dig college football or experts who talk to me about Mock drafts who are always wrong. However, I do know what most people love to read about every year at this time, which is this stuff. Hence the reason there’s draft coverage on this site and every outlet you look at.

I’m also pretty sure they (Mike and Frank) get that this is all a game of hype prior to the draft. Media/fan creations in a draft world that is so savvy, we are not above asking shrinks that if Buddy Nix takes a deep breath or blinks before he says the name Michael Floyd, does that count as anxiety, trepidation or excitement?

When it comes to the draft coverage, some of us are like wrestling fans who know the inside terminology. We get the game. We know it is fake. We know that as realistic as wrestling can get sometimes (Maybe Rock really hates Cena or HBK Hates Bret Hart or the NWO really invaded WCW), it was still all fake, scripted and planned out.

It is entertainment, good or bad.

However, you have fans who think wrestling is real. Of course, they are probably kids and maybe you get a 16-year old who believes it, which is fine….I guess. The hoopla of the NFL draft is like wrestling with too many 30-year olds acting like 13-year old wrestling fans, who believe everything they hear and see on TV/Radio/Print when it comes to this Wrestlemania of draft events, is a fact of life.

Want more wrestling terminology? If not, just skim down to where it says wrestling lesson is over

They (ESPN) push a guy like Ryan Tannehill to the moon because QBs move the dial on ESPN. He’s like Vince McMahon’s 285lb muscled bound freak creation who can draw the house/ratings. So, let Vince/ESPN push him to the moon for a month. You start building anticipation. It is new and fresh. Fans are loving it and talking to their friends about it! Same guy like Clausen two years ago. Same guy like Blaine Gabbert last year.

Of course, you are bound to hit a dry spell with this guy after pushing him down our throat…so let’s push another guy up the draft board. Michael Floyd can be launched up the board because after Blackmon, there aren’t many WRs in the 1st round…and we all know people love talking about skilled guys in the draft. No one cares about OL because they are dull. When there is only one skilled WR in the draft for a time period of 20-25 picks, it is equivalent to the Great Khali (Who sucks) being your best big man in wrestling, except he’s your ONLY big man, which makes him way better than he looks.

You know who you want to cheer for because ESPN has shoved it in our faces. You know the needs of your team and you have no choice but to get wrapped up into it. They build up all these faces (Prospects) into the next big thing. Of course, you need to generate wrestling heat (Get a negative response) by playing the teams as heels/bad guys because they picked someone who wasn’t on their draft board that high. “BOOOO!! KIPER HAD CLAUSEN AT 10 AND WE PASS HIM UP?! That’s crazy and stupid! OUR GM SUCKS!” If you can’t wait to jump the shark on draft day, then you have a report come out that the Bills are interested in someone that no one had penned going there for almost 2 months. It is like the debut of a big bad heel who is going to kill your dream babyface player (See: Floyd). It is wrestling 101 and Vince McMahon and ESPN are the evil promoters.

You are believing for reasons I can’t comprehend because we go through this every year about the crap that is out there. It should not be taken seriously. It’s BS and I will talk about it again next year.

(Wrestling lesson is over)

I’m sorry to be so flippant with this, but someone needs to just break the news that someone is kind of faking it. As I’ve said before, I totally understand the draft’s importance. It builds teams and if you fail at doing that, you are screwed. However,  the stuff that goes into it during this week, just goes beyond the brink of insanity. Here’s an example:

  • Media report: Bills are high on Barron.
  • Twitter: WHERE DID THIS GUY COME FROM?! HE WASN’T ON MOCK DRAFTS BEFORE! I DONT LIKE A GUY SKYROCKETING UP THE MOCKS.

Do you realize how stupid that statement is? Mock drafts are bullcrap. I’m talking dinosaur droppings. All of them are predicated on fantasy Island. Where does these mocks come from?

  • Passing information on from other mock experts.
  • Having an agent tell the mocker that their client is being pursued by team “X”, so it will drive up interest.
  • Not looking at rosters or researching what teams have done in the past.
  • Teams leaking stuff out. Case in point: Report says Eagles may be interested in trading up to select Barron. Now it is leaked that the Bills are interested in selecting him. Could it be that the Eagles are leaking stuff so that teams will rush to select Barron in front of them so they can get the player they want or are they really interested in him? Could the Bills be trying to get trade interest up since we didn’t hear anything about safety? Maybe. Could they really like him? Maybe. There’s too many damn maybes.
  • THE MOCKER NOT CARING IF HE IS RIGHT OR WRONG!

Bingo.

Draft experts are worse than the weatherman in predicting snow in the southern tier of WNY on April 24th! Take this mock draft from 2008, which I just randomly googled from CNNSI.com. This was a mock done by beat writers for each respective team they cover. Obviously, they have sources within the organization, right? Well..NOT HERE.

Are you kidding me?

Devin Thomas was selected in the 2nd round and I don’t even know if he’s still in the league. Amazingly, I think 90% of the picks were wrong.

Now, let’s see what Don Banks, who is like a top 3 football writer at SI, had to mock.

WHAT IN 7 HELLS WAS THAT?!

OK, I’m unsubscribing from SI.

How about USA Today? EH….If only Aaron Rodgers went 1st.

Let’s go to ESPN..Oh, this ought to be rich.

Oh…I forgot, you have to be a ESPN Insider to look at their mocks. Damn…but wait…ESPN Does have video…Let’s goto the tape.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RLlX1SecdM&w=426&h=194]    

Not convinced? Let us goto the next video…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMeWUafwdWM&w=420&h=239]

Here is the trilogy…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcofSJ380N4&w=407&h=209]

Wait! I did find a ESPN Mock from 2006: Of course! Who didn’t have Winston Justice go top 10 (He went 2nd round) or Ernie Simms 14th (Went 2nd round) or Donte Whitner 26th (Eh. We know all too well where he went.). I’m sure when the Eagles grabbed Justice in the 2nd round, their fans were thrilled! “WOW! WHAT A STEAL! Mocks had him going top 10 and we get him at 39th!? BOOK MY SUPER BOWL TICKETS!”

Ask Eagles fans about Justice. My old roommate was an Eagles fan and HATED him. Yeah, no justice or poetry with this bum. 

Wait, I found the 2001 mock draft from Kiper. Let’s see how good this is…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Will Allen to the Bills at the 14th spot! Richard Seymour goes 20th! Korean Robinson 3rd? I think Kiper got like 4 picks right. Was he just mailing it in that year? Was he like a gambler on a losing streak who decided to let his daughter make picks? How many families in some 3rd world country could his salary pay for?

Now, let’s goto the NFL Network. Hell, they own the fricken scouts, so they have to be right!!

Here’s one:  Derek Morgan goes 5th, Bruce Campbell to the Bills and CJ Spiller to the 28th spot.

Here’s another: Man, how I miss the days of Jimmy Clausen.

Three times a charm? Yes, Eugene Monroe looked great when he was selected first overall by the Lions. WHO IN 7 HELLS!?

 

YOU ARE ALL FIRED!

Look, I didn’t just pick the bad ones. It was a simple google and youtube search of “Mock Drafts” plus whatever publication/network I wanted. Remember Malcom Kelly going to the Bills? Remember Poz going to the Bills in the 1st round? Remember Jimmy Clausen and Gailey?

Again, when you go off on a fit because a player is being picked because mock drafts and “Experts” didn’t talk about him all that much, it is truly dumb! D-U-M-B. DUMB! Hell, I’m of the mindset that these guys just change their mocks because they are bored and want people talking. If the same expert had the same mock from February 1st on, no one would care or write about it. So..Let us do 50 variations of it.

The problem I’m seeing these days is that everyone is trying to be an expert. It is a crazy time where page hits and ratings go up. So everyone wants to be an expert and play one. I got news for you, the people at ESPN, NFL Network and 6 figure personalities who talk draft aren’t experts. They have just have sources and have a staying power that resembles Lindy Ruff/Darcy Regier’s reign in Buffalo. Frankly, I think I could do their job if I had a on-air presence to myself.

If there was an expert who selected Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Jim Kelly, Terry Bradshaw, Emmit Smith and had a reputation of being in the war room, telling me about players, I’d be more receptive to the process. You know why they are not on TV? Because they are either dead or still doing their jobs because they are good at it! Mel Kiper and Todd McShay don’t count. 

Again, the Bills are going to pick the best player on their draft board…THE REAL DRAFT BOARD. A draft board that no one has seen. They don’t go by Kiper’s mock. They don’t even go by what they say at lunch pressers. As long as the Bills select a player who becomes a pro bowler, I don’t care what F’N position he plays!? You want to know why? Because we haven’t had a pro bowler in like 5 yrs who wasn’t filling in because Tom Brady wanted to play at some stupid golf course. Also, realize that the majority of these guys aren’t going to make a big impact next year. Maybe 4-5 guys in the 1st round will, but don’t get carried away. I remember Peter King said James Hardy would catch 6-8 touchdowns his rookie year…Um, yeah..you may want to take that back.

All of this is just foreplay with mistresses at your bachelor party. The real deal is at the draft. If you are doing all of this for fun because you like reading and hearing football coverage, I respect that. If you are really into predicting what they will select, I’m cool as Fonzie. However, if you go crazy because you are letting mock drafts run your life, you need to take a step back because this is fake and I hope all these examples have proven that to you. This is all entertainment and a bunch of distractions before Thursday. Enjoy the next 3 days and don’t be stupid.

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