Monster Signs With Leafs

Monster Signs With LeafsTORONTO — After months of speculation the Toronto Maple Leafs have signed a player high on their list of free agent targets. They’ve signed a monster and not just any monster, but the Alien. Details of the contract were not released but sources close to the team say it will be in the vicinity of 3 years and $40 million.

The Alien joins Francois Beauchemin, Colton Orr and Mike Komisarek as the Leafs’ off-season signings thus far. While the other players added toughness and blueline talent, the Alien will add a dominating presence for the Leafs at the goaltending position. This monster of a player is 8-feet tall and weighs 300 lbs, taking up most of the net. He is a force to be reckoned with as he will literally devour opponents that try and screen him in front of the crease.

Chicago Blackhawks GM Dave Tallon said he plans to file a grievance with the league. “It’s simply not fair. To have an alien play in a human league is not only ridiculous but the fact that it poses a serious risk to all opponents and even its teammates in that he may eat them. Just because it is the spawn of Brian Burke doesn’t make it the same as us humans.”

See also: Monster picks Maple Leafs [Sportsnet]

 

 

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